In the search for intimacy an affair can be is very seductive. By seductive, I mean that the affair removes us from reality and appears to offer something the marriage does not appear to offer.
The best time to end an affair is immediately.
You are on dangerous ground if:
1. You have become isolated from everyone who was formerly close to you – even if those who are close to you do not know it.
2. You cannot believe you have gotten yourself into such a complicated mess or how “low” you have gone in the search of meaning. There are moments when you are filled with self-disgust.
3. You are tired of playing hide-and-seek with life, love, joy, friendships, and your emotions. There seem to be no “straight lines” anymore. Everything is more complicated because so much is under-cover.
4. You have times when you wish you could wipe out whole portions of your life: your “pre-affair life” sometimes and, at other times, your “affair life.” You are literally trapped between two worlds.
5. The rest of your life (when you are parted from you affair) feels as if it is “on hold” or is a bad dream.
6. The irrational nature of your affair has taken over your life and many parts of your former life (the open life you once knew) feel uncomfortable and unmanageable.
7. Memories of you past life (before the affair) haunt you through music, photos, conversations and inexplicable connections that pour over you from time to time.
8. You have lied about so much you cannot tell the difference between what is fabricated and what is not. Your own lies are believable even to you.
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