Archive for February, 2010

February 10, 2010

Comment reveals high integrity……

by Rod Smith

“I have had numerous chances to cheat in my marriage but did not allow myself to do so, and I would avoid putting myself in difficult situations. Why? Because I love the person I am with too much and did not want to hurt or be untrustworthy to my loved ones. I have never cheated in my 28 years of marriage. I admit that much of my strong beliefs would have to do with my upbringing. My parents gave us values, moral, ethics, and discipline which have made me the strong person I am today. I’ve never even gone through any drugs,drinking, or smoking periods that some youths go through. I know not all children are fortunate enough as I’ve been to stay strong with ‘life’s sins.’ I suppose it may sound like I’m judging, but I’m not. It just seems to me if you really love the person you are with, you won’t hurt them, but some people fall out of love and may see things differently than I do.” (Letter – posted as a comment – minimally edited)

I see the writer’s choice to be committed to his or her spouse, a determination to maintain integrity, and a deep sense of gratitude to his or her fortunate history – a recipe for success and fulfillment.

February 8, 2010

Colts lost, Saints win – what do you do with defeat?

by Rod Smith

In the light of the up-and-coming Soccer World Cup in South Africa (where this column published daily in hard-copy) and, in the wake of the Indianapolis Colt’s sad loss in the Super Bowl (I live in Indianapolis), I thought I’d throw this together for athletes, both amateur and professional.

Handling defeat.....

Handling defeat in sports for athletes and fans…

1. Look your opponents in the eyes and acknowledge their momentary superiority.
2. Pick up, as soon as possible, where you were in the moments before your loss.
3. Nurse your wounds but do not allow them to cripple you.
4. Speak well of the opponents, referees, the opposition fans, the conditions, the shape of the contest or game – anything else makes you sound like a bitter, poor loser.
5. Avoid “if we,” “when we,” “you should have” kind of talk – nothing can turn back the clock.
6. Constant replays of your errors will poison your preparation for the future – focus on what you or the team did well.
7. Live, and talk, as if your immediate loss is preparation for future victory.
8. Get up, look up, and get going. Loss of one event or season does not have to translate into further failure.
9. Embrace the world beyond your sports, victories and losses – there is more to life than winning and losing.

February 6, 2010

Marriage isn’t easy…..

by Rod Smith

ACT, Australia

Marriage, for a start, isn’t easy. Putting our hope for happiness in another doesn’t work.

I (we) have come to 42 years of marriage years because:

1. I took responsibility for my own life and own happiness and stopped depending on my husband to make me happy.
2. I began to discover who I was in the relationship…and stopped becoming what my husband wanted me to be.
3. I gave myself permission to have a ‘voice’ – and listened to the person inside me – the one who had never been listened to before – and in that way, I began to discover my value as an individual. I wasn’t just a wife and mother but a unique individual with gifts and talents, strengths and weaknesses.
4. I also sought help from a professional because the things that I just described to you, I couldn’t do on my own. I needed help. The person I saw gave me another perspective of my life that I had never seen before. It was in that place that I found hope and a new beginning as a new world opened up before me.

Marriage is still work for us but I discovered that the relationship, no matter how difficult, can also be a way to grow and learn more about myself as well as give to my spouse what he needs in our relationship. Both of us by the way came from dysfunctional homes where we hadn’t learned how to relate in a healthy way.

February 5, 2010

Rudi Lack – my first taste of YWAM

by Rod Smith

Rudi Lack is one of my heroes...

I had just re-ignited my relationship with a church in the early 1970s, maybe ’73 or ’74, when my pastor (Charles Gordon) announced a visiting preacher was coming to Durban who needed somewhere to stay for about 10 days. With my parents being in Europe, and our house empty, I volunteered.

YWAM’s Rudi Lack (who died this past week) arrived and his faith, determination, charisma, good-humor, and desire to know and love the nations of the world, hit me like a ton of bricks. He was my very first YWAMMER.

Rudi:

1. Watched himself on our TV (very new to South Africa at that time) being interviewed on a show I seem to remember was called Crossroads. This was much to the amusement of our maid who had hardly ever seen TV let alone had she been in the same room as someone who was “on” it.

2. Having just completed a tour from an Asian country, he was lugging the largest “portable” radio/tape/speaker system I had ever seen and gave me the freedom to use it. When the batteries (eight of them) ran down I replaced them. I recall bagging them in a little brown paper sack and putting them in the trash. Then I retrieved them from the trash – and then, I questioned the wisdom of saving old and used and already-replaced batteries and placed them once again in the trash. That night when Rudi returned from his day of activities and the trash was already gone, Rudi asked where the “used” batteries were. Rudi announced that I’d disposed of his 8 rechargeable-cell batteries. “Did God not give you a ‘check’ in your spirit? Did you not hesitate and wonder why?” Rudi asked. I recounted what had occurred and he playfully scolded me for not listening. It took days (and a great deal of my cash) to find replacement rechargeable batteries – the existence of which, prior to Rudi’s visit, I was unaware. I am still trying to hear the “check” in my spirit (about much more than re-chargeable batteries) and think of Rudi every time.

3. While visiting, Rudi wanted prayer cards made for every country in the world. He knew exactly what he wanted and how much God had told him to spend. I drove him all over Durban from printer to printer for at least three days until we found a man who knew exactly what Rudi wanted and quoted the price that was exactly what Rudi had heard from God. I recall my annoynace hearing Rudi reject a printer who wanted to do the same job for less money.

4. Seated for our first breakfast in my home, I decided that since this man of God was at my table, I’d better pray over our meal. Closing my eyes, I invited Rudi to join me: “For what we are about to receive, may The Lord ….” I nervously began, only to feel Rudi looking at me and not participating in my great act of faith. “Brother,” he said interrupting me, “Do you want to pray or not?” Rudi proceeded to take a folded map of the world from his shirt pocket, laid it out on the table, and “prayed up a storm” for the World God so loved. I think this was my first ever occasion to hear someone pray for anything or anyone other than his or her own needs.

5. When Rudi preached at my church I responded to the prayer for my “tent pegs to be enlarged” (whatever that meant to me at the time) for my “boundaries to be enlarged” (again, whatever that meant) – and, when I saw Rudi, when I ran into him quite by chance, several times in subsequent years in Kona, Hawaii and in Mangere, New Zealand, when I myself was on teaching and preaching trips, I’d remind him of those days at my home and how indeed I believed our prayers had been answered.

“Keep telling me about it,” he’d say, “Of course, I remember it all……”

Rest in peace Rudi, or shall I say, do whatever you want in heaven, just allow others to rest, if you can! Thanks for those few treasured days in my boyhood home, where you showed up and showed me what passion for people and for the world really looks like.

February 4, 2010

I make him jealous and insecure……

by Rod Smith

“My boyfriend decided to end our relationship because I will not admit that I look at other men to get attention. He says I make him insecure and jealous and that I keep denying it. I can swear I’m not the women he says I am. Now he won’t talk to me. I think it is very childish behavior. I know I have been faithful to him and I know that it is over. I’m so hurt and lost. The worst thing is that I’m 47 and feel like I have no hope. This is the man who would swear he loved me. I suppose he really loves himself only.” (Minimal edits)

All your hope depends on if you have a man or not! This is the deeper issue worth addressing. It is possible to have a full life while being single. When this becomes a reality, any partner will not be afforded the undue power you have given this particular boyfriend. When a person is already insecure and jealous there is nothing a partner can do to change it. He will be jealous and insecure whether you looked at other men or not. You are not powerful enough to cause him to be jealous and insecure. These are his issues and his to tackle. Don’t take the blame.

February 1, 2010

Adult-to-adult relationship – when one is the parent and the other is the adult son or daughter……

by Rod Smith

1. We are mutual and respectful in every way and treat each other as we would treat any valued friend.
2. We talk respectfully to each other and we talk respectfully about each other.
3. We do not feel pressure to tell each other more (or less) than we’d reveal to other treasured friends.
4. We are friends, sometimes companions, who also happen to be parent and adult son or daughter.
5. We do not barge into each others lives, presume availability, or assume willingness to spend time together, just because we are related.
6. We contact each other, we talk on the phone, and drop in on each other while also fully acknowledging that each of us has a full life outside of each other.
7. We respect each others freedom to interpret the past as he or she sees necessary.
8. We offer each other the freedom to plan a future that might represent a radical departure from the way things have been.
9. We offer absolute respect to the people we each choose to love.
10. We seldom, if ever, tell each other what the other “should”, “ought”, “need”, or “must” do.