Ten, no 11, reminders for divorced “couples”:

by Rod Smith


This is someone you once loved....

1. Your former spouse is a person whom you once loved.
2. Your former spouse has a family that was once also yours.
3. Your children will benefit from seeing that people who disagree are also able to work together.
4. It is possible to be cordial and cooperative even after a marriage has broken down, even after there has been infidelity, even after there have been cruel words spoken.
5. While the divorce is final and painful, the good memories remain good memories, the love once shared was once real.
6. Little is gained by speaking negatively of your former spouse or former in-laws.
7. Children will have a natural resistance to new partners, lovers, or spouses – to moving house or schools as a result of your decisions to divorce.
8. Using children as a means to getting what you need and want is hardly helpful to the well being of the children.
9. Having “adult” meetings – with all the adults present – to talk about co-parenting is probably a good idea.
10. It is possible to find joy and happiness even after divorce.
11. Sometimes (in response to trauma), life becomes a series of approximations, adaptations, of negotiated positions, which ultimately form into a renewed platform for a fulfilling life which, while within the immediate turmoil, no one can see or imagine.

One Comment to “Ten, no 11, reminders for divorced “couples”:”

  1. Rod,
    Your words are wise and from the beginning, I made it my mission to remain cordial, even friendly. I take responsibility
    and felt my husband was brave ‘to pull the plug’. Now, it takes two to have tangoed, but at least we can bump into each other on the dance floor.
    By becoming friends with his new wife, my mother says I’m triangulating. Thought about it and can say no. I did it for ease of communication for the boys and because she had been a friend before. Is that triangulation? (Or strangulation?)

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