I have had several letters, and also face-to-face discussions, about adult men and women who are inappropriately attached to a parent. This attachment is almost always financial: the parent has signed a loan; the parent has agreed to pay off a debt; the parent feels he or she must pay the rent for the son or daughter.

The attachment, while being uncomfortable for the cheque-signing parent, is also a problem for others impacted by the agreement (or the manipulation). Frequently it is a problem for a stepparent who was taken unaware by a financial burden not of his or her own making.

While I would encourage parents NOT to sign for loans, agree to pay rent and become embroiled over financial issues over which he or she has no direct responsibility or control, it is important to note that while the other adult (stepparent) sees it as his or her mission to untie the financial embroilments, the binds will not be eased.

Trying to get a spouse to “see the light” is as difficult as trying to get a financially irresponsible adult child to “be responsible.” The tyranny will only begin to ease when the one who is signing the cheques gets over the associated guilt and stops doing so.

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 12:22 pm in Attraction, Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Voice   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL