Mother won’t let daughter move on…

by Rod Smith

“I’m 35 and have been divorced for 5 years. I met a woman whose husband passed away two years ago. We are in love. I can’t stay away. We spend hours on the phone. The problem is that she wants to move on but is discouraged by her family. Her mum doesn’t want her to move on. She told her daughter not to communicate with me. The mum feels if I take the daughter away there’s no one to take the mum shopping. The mum says to the daughter the reason the mom left work was because of her and to look after the two children. They make the daughter feel guilty in every way possible. I told the daughter she must take control of it but she doesn’t want to disrespect her parents.” (Edited)

Mother is not the enemy...

Mother is not the enemy...

Your girlfriend has some decisions to make. The mother has reasons for stopping the daughter from moving on. The reasons might appear obvious to you but I believe there are deeper and hidden reasons: the belief that moving on will allow the deceased to be forgotten, or moving on is in some ways disrespectful to the man who is now gone.

Do not push. Invite. Challenge. But do not push. Try not to make the mother the enemy.

3 Comments to “Mother won’t let daughter move on…”

  1. I agree. No good will come from alienating the mother. This woman has been close to her mother for a long time and will one day resent it if you push her away.

    You are going to have to make a real effort to get to know the mom and develop your own relationship with her.

    I write a blog about marriage and how men can better love their wives. I hope you all will check it out when you have a chance.


  2. Thanks, Ken. As much or as little as people might use it, I have added your website to my links. Have a great day. (And I took a good look at your excellent columns).

    Rod Smith

  3. Thank you so much. That is really a compliment coming from you. I am not a therapist of any kind and have no formal training. But I feel like I have some common sense ideas that might help some people.

    Thanks again. I will be back often to read and learn more.

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