After holding my hand and kissing and saying the most amazing things……

by Rod Smith

“I have been divorced for several years and really would love to meet someone. I used an Internet dating sites and was being very careful. A guy responded claiming to be honest, decent, not into playing games and God-fearing. So we met. It was so good that by the end of that meeting we were both very comfortable and were going to give a relationship a try. We held hands and kissed and couldn’t wait to see each other again. Then I sensed something was amiss: he didn’t call when he said he would. He also said he would hide his profile but he did not. He did send me a mail saying he wasn’t ready for the complications that having someone in his life would bring. I have been devastated. After holding my hand and kissing me and saying some amazing things that any woman would want to hear, I don’t get it.”

Rod: He is probably married. I have heard SCORES of such stories. Sadly it makes very little difference he is “Christian” or not. I hate to stereotype these matters but many men are in it for the chase but do not want a relationship. Guard your heart by waiting for weeks and months before you even touch each other.

Jean: It is commendable that you were very careful with the Internet dating site and finding a man who said he was honest, decent and God-fearing would have indicated a potential partner for you in your search for someone new. However it would be good to consider that ‘getting to know someone’, becoming friends and discovering what they are like ‘in the real world’ is what sets a foundation for a more lasting relationship.

Gideon: I believe what you went through is considered the norm in internet dating, in the sense that it affords people the opportunity to scope out, check profiles, ask questions via emails, and essentially, minimize the fear of asking people out on dates. In your situation, it’s really no surprise to see one or the other person wanting to back out after the first date. I suggest that you make it a rule of thumb to leave some room for trial and error. After all, isn’t that what dating is about, looking to see if compatibility can exist between two people? Contrary to the Internet’s “instant gratification” method, building relationships always takes more time. Another recommendation might be to hold off on things of an intimate nature during the initial dating phase. Certainly you’ve taken the time to read and examine one’s profile online. So why not take even more time getting to know each other on a one-to-one basis, without having to get too intimate too soon? It would save both parties a lot of pain and heartache if things don’t turn out well. But ultimately don’t lose heart, as there are plenty of fish in the sea to be had… or in this case, the world-wide-web.

2 Comments to “After holding my hand and kissing and saying the most amazing things……”

  1. I whole heartedly agree with Gideon. I know how much you want to have that someone special in your life again. I was alone for 6 very long lonely years and then a friend introduced me to the internet and she told me to see it as an adventure of meeting some nice and not so nice people, BUT have fun. When you are lonely and desperate they sense it very quickly. After about a year I got to a place where I had decided in my head and heart they if they want to be a part of my life…. they’ve got to want me enough…. this was a turning point (I had been going to gym, reading the books I’ve always loved, doing fun activities with my girlfriends, giving to my local community, chatting to positive other single women, etc etc) Life wasn’t boring but I did long for that someone special but I had my standards. It paid off. I carried on chatting to different guys and of 8 I sent messages to 5 replied. My current boyfriend (of two years) was one of them. See it as an adventure and have fun…. people are interesting and you learn so much about yourself. I wish you the very best.

  2. who decides to be in a relationship after ONE date!?

    isn’t that like the out-dated mentality of an arranged marriage? ‘oh we’ll just learn to love each other…’

    life is TOO FUN to settle for the first date!

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