Archive for August 10th, 2009

August 10, 2009


by Rod Smith

“You describe ‘emotional fault-lines’ in a relationship that you say requires intensive understanding ‘on behalf of the one so inflicted.’ I was accused of everything you describe: not giving enough attention, not showing enough concern, not being on the ‘same page.’ I am not sure who is the ‘one so inflicted.’ Do you mean the person who suffers from this error in belief on the one who is the victim? How do you ‘embrace and accept’ these fault-lines in another without appeasing? If I had embraced and accepted, surely I would be appeasing?”



I apologize for the ambiguity. It is your former significant other who will benefit from understanding her “fault-lines.” It is you who must embrace without appeasing the “faulty thinker.” Tall order? Of course it is. Immature adults require growing up. Not MORE attention.

It is possible to remain untouched, non-anxious, when accused as described and to repeatedly declare your unwillingness to accept her attempts to control and sabotage the relationship.

“How much attention is sufficient? Why do you require so much concern? We can be on different pages, in fact we can be in separate books (to continue the metaphor) and be in love,” are useful questions when relating to the detrimentally needy.