“I’ve been a stepmother for 7 years. It’s misery. I would never do this again. I have no one to blame. I saw perfectly well that my husband’s ex was a ‘basket case’ for the three years we dated. I saw that my stepdaughter was truly a spoiled brat. Lots of ‘divorce guilt’ led her to getting whatever she wanted. I saw that my husband was not cut out for serious parenting and yet I married him. He’s got many other great qualities including being a good stepfather to my son! Our marriage is solid but the amount of turmoil his daughter stirs Take up your life
Your observation that your husband is not cut out for “serious parenting” is pivotal. Under functioning is more dangerous than a “basket-case” ex. Things will change if he notches up his functioning to fully fulfill his role. You’re protecting him. Your mutual relationship with the daughter is not primarily in the mother’s hands. In a day or two I will write more about ‘under-functioning’ – it is pernicious and has far reaching consequences. Its effects can impact a family for generations.
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