I left my husband for another man…

by Rod Smith

“I have left my husband for another man and I worked so very hard to start a new life with him. It is not easy at all. I ended up more alone than before and was fueled with anxiety and had to take medication. I lost interest in everything just about because I loved this man so much. He is now drifting away from me and I am alone. My marriage is over and I am about to lose my children because of what I have done. I loved this ‘other’ man much more then he loved me and now I feel the effects. It’s the worst feeling in the world to love some one so much when you cannot fully have them.” (Minimal edits)

Your heart has deceived you and resulted in enormous consequences for you and your family. I repeat: extramarital affairs are seductive – seducing participants from the real issues within the marriage and resulting in a new relationship destined to be flawed. The impulse for an affair (need this be said?) is a strong signal that the marriage, not the third party, requires attention.

32 Comments to “I left my husband for another man…”

  1. People like you destory lifes because you act like animals in heat, so you got what’s coming. You don,t deserve any sympathy!
    In some parts of the world this behavoir is still consider a criminal offence.

    • You ever heard of.. He who casts the first stone? Indeed what this person has done is not something to be praised, but at the same time, NO ONE is exempt from this. Everyone.. and I DO repeat EVERYONE is capable of this and even worse. So before you go and judge this woman, I suggest you check yourself and make sure you don’t have any skeletons hanging out of your closet… (removed profanities)

      • I have to disagree, there is a big difference between being capable of something and actually doing it. You cant dismiss someones actions just because anyone could have done that action if so then there would be no laws. What this person did was hurt some one for her own lustful desire, that will always be wrong. Is she something of pure evil or does she deserve to be hated? certainly not. However she is a selfish person and some one of poor character she should be ashamed of herself and she should know that she has let down everyone that cares for her and disappointed the people who look up to her, she deserves too feel ashamed its the only responsible reaction one could have and remain moral. Lastly i find there is poetic justice to her story, she abandoned her family for a romantic interest, who in turned abandoned her, in all honesty she got her just reward, i find there is kharma of sorts in this universe and she got what was coming in full payment. To put it bluntly you reap what you sow.

  2. I pray things within your soul are healing and you will learn to forgive yourself. There is no need to dwell on the mistake that has already been made. It is important however to learn a valuable lesson. One in life, and one in the art of forgiveness. We are human beings with powerful emotions. You have had the opportunity to experience a great deal of emotions because of an mistake you made in your life. Learn from this and you will be a better person and your kids will love you for that! Good Luck and God Bless.
    Funny how the person above almost has the same name as me!

  3. My wife of 7 years left me and our 3 children 4 months ago for a man she met on the internet, she now lives abroad in his country with him. To be honest, at the time I was devastated and vowed to get her back, but now I’m starting to feel like he’s welcome to her, any woman who can do that doesn’t deserve me to be honest. Our marriage was pretty good, I just didn’t pay her enough attention which is what the other guy did. They started out as friends but he took advantage of her at a vulnerable time. Anyway, good luck with whatever happens but you reap what you sow and if you do end up losing everything then you only have yourself to blame.

    • Man, ithink as long as you have kids you are better off, Having a partner just doesnt work, yes we enjoy it in the begining but it always ends, so the will always be the beginnings for me cos those are good time. That doesnt mean i leave my women,NO, they leave me so i am used to it and I always enjoy the new beginning, wel change always comes and change is pain to other people, but I am always waiting for change, wether in relationshsips and career,

      Those who want to be stucked with old boring partners good luck

  4. There’s a reason that the last two circles in Dante’s hell are saved for those that have committed conscious fraud and treachery. (Comment edited for general audience by Rod)

  5. Like Gary, my wife of 7 years left. At first, I too wanted her back. Today, almost 6 years after the divorce was final, it was one of the best things to happen to me.

    It’s hard for me to have sympathy for men or women who cheat upon their spouses and their children, or for their partners who regardless of their marital status, I find to be just as low when it comes to moral fibre content.

    Seems our society wants to believe men are more unfaithful than women, yet unless these men are having affairs with other men, there are women for each of these men willing to have an affair.

    Since both know they are not married to one another, and often the other man or the other woman knows their partner is married, they are just as unfaithful to the social contract of marriage as are the cheating spouses.

    Both parties involved in an affair are cheating, regardless their current marital status.

  6. Joe, it’s been 8 months since I posted here, and I can safely say that life couldn’t be any better than it is now. I have met and fallen in love with a wonderful woman, my kids are happier than ever, and between me and you I’m getting the best sex of my life!

    I will always love my ex wife, and cherish the time we had together, but going back? NEVER!!!!!!!!

    I hope anybody that reads this can take comfort from knowing that however painful things are for you right now, THEY WILL GET BETTER!!!! I promise!!!!!!

    And I hope the woman that originally posted here has found some peace, either with her new love or with her ex. Nobody blames you my dear, but I hope you have learned something. And I hope you do find happiness in the end, one way or another.

  7. I ahd i woman few weeks aggo, she left her man and come stay with me and the man was so hurt. The guy called me threatining me, but I told him I dont see why he should fight me cos i am not the one who left him, and maybe I was not gonna leave him. Well as time goes the woman decided to go back to the guy coz the guy wanted her so much, I let her go but I dont think I can take her back, though I still love her. I will be a freeman again, going anywher I want anytime I want to, with no one monitoring my moves.

    I am not taking any women who left me back, no matter how I love them, I move on, maybe lets make lot of money have good life, women need powerful men, so its all in the man back pocket!

  8. Fiance’s x-wife was having an affair, chose to move in with new beau & not take children(actually they do not want to go ages 9, 13 & 16 then). Continuous calls calling dad to come get them because beau was not very nice to them or a party had ensued. 2yrs. later we met, and the calls never stopped to complain about kids when they were visting & eventually middle child(son) w/ drugs. 4 yrs, into the relationship found out that Mom was behind the scences w/ daughters telling them to me rude to me to get me out of the picture. Even though she was living w/ another man, she still wanted dad back(I felt it, but stayed fast because we had a great relationship). Evetually Son went to jail & fiance fell apart and we separated for 4 monthsHis choice, he had nothing left to give me at this time). Found out about 8 months after we got back together, that the X swooped in(using Son as the pawn)to get back together. It definatley did not work as by then the children knew we were a TEAM & told me of the parents “dating”. They actually did not want it to happen, but their mother is their mother as they say.
    She is a sociopath and now we all know how not to feed into the games.

  9. I left my bad marriage for a man with whom I fell in love. We have a great life and I am only sad that I did not leave sooner. I find that no matter who cheats there would NOT have been cheating period if the marriage was strong and good. Blaming male or female, the one who cheated is not always correct. The one who caused the marriage to end is not always the CHEATER! To put a name like that on anyone is unfair, untrue and just wrong. It takes two to make a marriage and it ends with two as well cheating or no cheating! That is a result not a cause! Don’t feel bad about your situation and I am sorry your new love did not work out but get back up and live again and don’t feel bad about what happened. Love is worth whatever you go through when its right.

    • Yes I agree it takes two to make a marriage work. You we’re the one who ended it. Your the one that failed. Yes you are a cheater. Talk to someone that’s been married for 40 or 50 years. You think they didn’t feel like they loved the person next to them anymore. Why didn’t you try doing something with the marriage. Apparently you can’t keep your vows.

    • I too also left a bad marriage for someone who really cares about me. Although I wish the circumstances on how I left my husband we different, I have learned from my mistakes. My marriage was abusive and difficult. The decision to leave my husband for this other man I fell in love with was a difficult one. When my husband found out about my affair he still wanted to stay married, but by that point our relationship was so torturous for me that I didn’t want to work things out. I just wanted to leave. He still blames the affair as the cause of the divorce. My husband never believed there was anything wrong with our relationship and blames me for the break-up of the marriage. He like many other people need to realize that marriage takes the commitment and respect of two people. No one person is responsible for the marriage ending even if someone cheats. If the marriage was strong in the first place than no one would have cheated. I don’t think cheating is right. I never ever thought I was capable of doing something like that. I can’t change the past I wish I never cheated, but I don’t regret leaving my husband. And honestly I don’t know if I could have had the courage to leave if it wasn’t for the affair in the first place.

  10. Anyone sane knows right from wrong. A person with values, morals, and ethics would not cheat on another no matter what. If something is wrong in the marriage, you talk about it and try all you can do before leaving the marriage if that is possible. If that isn’t what you want, you both talk about it and make the next moves for each to go separate ways. You don’t introduce destructive ways first to end a marriage. You cannot just think of yourself, do what is right and how you would want someone to do for you! The right way is always better!

    • Troy, are you kidding me? “A person with values, morals, and ethics would not cheat on another no matter what . . . ?” How can you presume that? Mankind is born sinful and selfish. To be anything different requires learning, and everyone doesn’t get that. I have morals, values, and ethics, and have made numerous regrettable decisions in my lifetime. To say that if you have those, you will not make mistakes is quite judgmental, at best. You are correct. The right way IS always better. But far too simplistic in your understanding of right from wrong, and people. Your implication is that anyone who cheats, or makes other mistakes that go against his or her morals, values, and ethics is insane. THAT in itself is rather unstable. . .

  11. Kyle, I guess to each his/her own on what you learn. I speak from my own experience. I have had numerous chances to cheat but did not allow myself to do so, and I would avoid putting myself in situations as such. Why, because I love the person I am with too much and did not want to hurt or be untrustful to my loved one. I have never cheated on my 28 years of marrage.

    I admit that much of my strong beliefs would have to do with my upbringing from my parents. They gave us values, moral, eithics, and disapline. All of which I am grateful today for, it’s made me the strong person I am today. I’ve never even gone through any drugs,drinking, or smoking periods that some youths go through with the solid ground I’ve had. I know not all children are fortunate enough as I’ve been to stay strong with life’s sins.

    I suppose it may sound like I’m judging, but I’m not. It just seems to me if you really love the person you are with, you won’t hurt them but some people fall out of love and may see things differently than I.

  12. I have a long story and I dont know were to begin….! I have been with my husband for 21 years now, married for 19. I loved him madly when we met and could not wait to get married and have kids. Have 3 gorgeous boys, 18, 16 and 11, but my husband has beaten me, he has cheated on me. He has another child with another woman who is only 3 years old now – all while we have been married. His children hate him and dont respect him at all. Now I have met another guy and Im crazy about him. He has even asked me to leave my husband and Im seriously considering it, but why am I so scared of taking this step???? HELP ME PLEASE!!!

    • Being “crazy” about someone is exactly that: crazy. Until you find some peace with your marriage, or until you are free of it for a year or two, any man who shows you some thoughtfulness and attention will appear as a knight in shining armor. Don’t confuse attention with love.

      Leaving your husband (a scary thought even for women in the worst of circumstances) given his abusive behavior ought to be given consideration. Hooking up with some guy you are crazy about ought to terrify you. Don’t do it. Not yet, anyway.

  13. soo ive been married for a year now, and the marriage has been horrible, he cheated multiple times, and a few violent times. We have a mutual friend, and about 3 months ago, i started liking him, because he’s a really nice guy, and my marriage was crap, so a week ago, i told him how i feel about him, and he revealed he also had feelings, and the whole week was full of butterflies and emotions i never got from my husband. Then yesterday my husband and i agree on getting a divorce, but then he changed his mind, and we got into a big arguement, violence, cops, and a restraining order, so my husbands gone,then today my “friend” calls me and tells me to stop callin him because he doesn’t want trouble… talk about my heart being crushed!! i think im in denial because im trying to let it go, and say his loss, and ill get somebody else better, but i really had my hopes on this guy…very sad

  14. i recently left my husband of 18 years after starting an affair with a married man. We both left our partners almost immediately and set up home together. The man then left me and went back to his wife not once but twice within the first fortnight. I cannot forgive him and will not take him back. I still love my husband and am now left in a rented house struggling to make ends meet. My husband and I share custody of our son, who spends one week with me and one week with my husband. All this is still very raw to me as the start of the afair until today has only taken 8 weeks. I’m very confused and wish I could turn back the clock, but understand I can’t.

  15. It blows me away to read many of these comments from those who have strayed and used the “bad marriage” moniker to rationalze their actions. What kind of moral callousness flows through another human being’s blood to actually want to put someone else through such tortuous pain? Granted, there are those marriages that deserve to go, those involving physical abuse and other demeaning actions that dehumanize the other spouse, but for those who simply drifted apart and decided to leave for the guy/girl down the street without trying to get something back…I have no respect for you. Yours was a marriage meant to survive…you just gave up, demonized/devalued your spouse to the point where you could justify your actions, and put him/her through a living hell. It probably felt right at the time, but faith, understanding, and a little counseling could have saved a marriage.

  16. I had been married for thirteen years when I decided to cheat on my husband. I wont give excuses for the affair. I had always been a very strong woman. I always thought that any woman who left her marriage and split up her family didnt deserve any sort of respect. Well, it happened to me, I met a man that was fourteen years younger than myself. He was shy and sensitive, handsome, and mostly, he listened to me. We worked alot of overtime together, began having group breakfasts, then it became text messaging one another late at night….and then eventually hanging out alone. I knew that I was attracted to him and I became obsessed with him. I thought about him continually…I thought that he was everything that my husband wasnt…and more…I moved out of my home and split my five children with my husband. This was the beginning of the end… The relationship with this other man lasted on and off for five years. During this time I found out that he had a thing for men. He had several online affairs, they started out with just text messages and picture exchanges and then eventually he started meeting these men during our break ups. He always had excuses and explanations…of course saying that he never did anything sexual with any of them but I knew better…I became a very angry woman, his behavior was so predicatble….we would have a horrible fight…one that he would pick, it would become physical, he would kick me out, we would have no contact for up to three months and then one of us would reconnect with the other….we would have this honey moon phase that lasted a couple of weeks and then it would start all over again….he would begin to detach from me physically and emotionally …start locking his phone..staying on the internet for hours….then came the verbal abuse…and boom! Anyways, during all of this insanity my job was affected…my relationship with my children was almost completely severed…I didnt want them to be subjected to the insanity so they all began living with their father. Through all of this my husband maintained love for me…I dont even know how I deserve for him to care…hes been my friend through it all. I know that I love him still, Im just not in love with him. Please someone give me some advice and help me to re establish an in love feeling with my husband.

  17. Cheating is cowardly and hurtful. If you aren’t happy, leave. But as someone whos wife cheated on him, an affair causes the other person emotional damage for years. She has been gone for three years, but I still wake up with nightmares about him with her. There is no excuse for doing this to another person. No one deserves this.

  18. LEE, you destroyed your marriage with your shallow cheating behavior. You admit you don’t deserve your husband. You got what you deserved, you were physically abused by your boyfriend. If you truly love your husband, let him go to be with someone who deserves him and will be faithful to him.

  19. I am a woman married 19 years with my husband and have been very unhappy, off and on, for a few years. We separated briefly twice briefly in our early years of marriage, then at 10 years we had twins. I was already in my 40s and he in his early 50s. Nine years later, zlthough we both love our daughters and try to be very present for them, our marriage is ense and difficult, where it takes very little for us to erupt into arguments. It is always about the lack of money and his insecure occupation, his inability to plan for the future which is part of his ADD for which he never sought treaqtment.

    In the last few years I have cheated on a handful of occasions, one with an ex-boyfriend who I have known since college and is divorced with kids. The 1st time it was getting back at my spouse and less about the man, thougoh we are attracted to one another. I also had a flirtation with some heavy petting with another fellow I have known since my 20s, also divorced.

    Right now I have been dealing with alot of sadness as my mother recently passed of cancer and I was responsible for her for the last few months of her life. She loved me and always made me feel secure despite my spourse’s insecure financial choices. Now that she is gone I feel scared and alone as my husband and I don’t communicate well (and we haven’t had sex in at least two years). I am well aware this is not healthy, and I feel that despite being in my 50s I want a good romantic life, sexual life and this is completely lacking in my marriage. It upsets me that while I try not to carry this into our home life, our children do undestand that Mommy and Daddy don’t get along. I want to do what is best for them, but staying in a failed marriage does not offer a good role for them. They see araguments, exasperation, anger, resentment, and certainly little affection.

    A couple of years ago, I could have left my husband for one of the two other guys, but didn’t do it. My mother was going through cancer treatment and I concurrently lost my dad; and this fellow lives 1 hour away so it isn’t very easy to meet up with him. So I let it slide hoping that after my mother’s passing, we could reconnect.

    Meanwhile, he has been seeing another woman, off and on over 2 years. Being married, I had no claim on him to not date other women, as I was not free from my marriage. Now, their relationship seems more tight and she has certainly not allowed me to visit with my friend without her chaperoning the socializing. Yesterday on my way home from out=of-town with my children, we stopped to see him and his children, and go out for pizza, and the girlfriend (age 58) was along, making sure I stayed at arms-length from him. This was excruciating for me as I have known him over 30 years and always had a solid friendship with him.

    I know my feelingsare vulnerable, having recently lost a parent and another one in the last 3 years. And having a child with dyslexia/learning disabilities poses alot of challenges. Bottom line, I can’t stop thinking about this man and wanting him to dump the girlfriend for me, even though I have not left my husband (yet) for financial & childcare reason. I want to win this fellow back and have the relationship with him I now realize I should be having………….. friends, a powerful sexual conection, similar intellectual pursuits, an old friendship for 3 decades, same cultural and religious background, and a loving dad to his kids (and mine).

    What to do? I know he is the man I should be with; only thing is, he is “comfortable” (not necessarily “in love with”) the other woman who lives nearby, is divorced (not married) and has older kids. Her circumstances are more “low maintenance” which is what he wants after a high-drama marriage.

    I know this guy loves me but he told me (and his sister) that he does not want to break up my marriage but would rather I have connected with him being free. I can’t just bail from my spouse now as I left my career awhile back and I need to first have a sable job and ability to live closer to this man (which is another county & school district).

    What, if anything, could/should I do to get this fellow back and wanting to be with me? He has told me before I that he loves me, that we belonged together, but now he is in a comfy, convenient relationship with a woman who is desperate to keep him (she is older than he and I and cultivates a “cuteness” that is not becoming at age 58; she is very territorial and has made it clear he can’t invite me WITH my children in his house (he and I have stayed platonic when the kids were about.)

    I am terribly frustrated. Is it possible to find lasting love in leaving your spouse for someone else??? How to get him back?

  20. Girl Scout, It is obvious you are a very selfish person. “So I let it slide hoping that after my mother’s passing, we could reconnect.” This is just sick! You don’t get it do you.. I feel so sorry for your husband. You could have never been a Girl Scout because you would have given away all the cookies for free. You are doing irreversible damage to your children but people like you will never see beyond your own selfish needs. You need to tell your husband who you really are and let him divorce you so he can find someone worthy of loving. The only thing I can say at this point is 50 going on 15.

  21. my wife left me for a man she dated when she was fifteen i guess they where in love the children still stay with her i choose to exit like a gentleman still helping still dad it was really rough on me in the early days but it got better .for me my wife on the other hand is in a living hell she is really off balance and going thru hell this guy has no job and cheats on her she found out he left a woman who has a ten month old child and his other baby mother moved out of town without telling him where she was going my ex wife has lost her luster the last time i saw her she looked very stressed out shes up all night checking his phone and crying my daughters tell me she looks like a zombie under mind control her dream has turned into a nightmare life is funny i have become a better father and i am truly happy the kids and me enjoy life the last time i saw her i told her that i forgave her and she needs to forgive herself its hard to love someone who only likes you

  22. My wife of almost 4 years left me for a man 13 years older than me, with two kids. We are 30. He was still married, albeit maybe separated. Both are disgusting. My wife for leaving me for financial security and this guy for filling up a vulnerable young woman’s head. My ex wife blamed me for everything, denied the affair. She became verbally abusive, blaming me for everyone. Anyone who cheats is empty and hollow. If the marriage is really unhealthy, or you are unhappy, you do everything you can do to save it. If after that effort, it still isn’t working, then get divorced. Marriages go through rough spots, but if people left everytime things got bad, no one would be married. My ex wife claims to have found true happiness with this scumbag, but we will see how happy she is taking care of two girls that aren’t hers, and dealing with an ex wife. Cheating is truly disgusting, and the people who cheat and lie about it are morally reprehensible.

  23. I am sorry I have no sympathy for you. I am going through divorce at the moment because my wife of three years decided she wanted another man, I was devestated, nobody has hurt me more in my entire life. I am not perfect nobody is but I treated my wife very well and loved her with all my heart and she led me to believe the same. You are disloyal and broke a commitment you made to your husband and if he felt anything like I did when my future ex wife left me then you deserve any pain you get.
    I can hear all those who have left their partners telling me I am just bitter and get over it, well yes I am bitter but so I should be I made a commitment for life not for three years, I gave the girl everything I had and she threw it back in my face, I would not put my worst enemy what she put me through so yes I am bitter. I have moved on I would never ever take this weak person back into my life, I will probaly always love her because unlike her I can’t just switch it off. I am not religious but my vows and morals mean the world to me and those of you who break their vows are weak and should be ashamed because you are terrible people.

  24. my wife left me for a man she met on the internet. we have been married 11 years, she took my daughter and left my son with me. she went 1300 miles away from me and now lives with this man and he is still married. i found out this guy has a criminal record. i’m disabled, so i can’t go do anything to the guy… i’m afraid for my daughter, and even my wife.. i was disabled when we married, so she can’t say i’m different now…she emails me and calls me needing money, not for my daughter but for her expenses…i feel so dead inside…what can a guy do…?

  25. My wife (Common Law) is doing the exact same crap… I went away for 5 days to attend my mothers funeral, then after the funeral was over, I called her looking for support.She told me that she no longer wanted to be with me. She
    met someone on the internet while playing Call Of Duty and she believes there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.
    We have 2 beautiful children together whom she thinks will be fine because of her actions. I’ve been lied to, treated like crap and she continues to speak to this loser on her cell phone (which is new) and our home phone.. that idiot even calls our home phone.
    Shaun.. I have to completely agree with you 100%.

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