Violation of sacred trust….

by Rod Smith

I frequently get letters from women who cannot seem to forgive a husband or partner’s unfaithfulness. “Even though it was 10 years ago and I have said I forgive him, it still haunts me,” writes one person. “He expects me to just get over it as if it is no real issue at all,” writes another. “He rolls his eyes at me, he sighs, as if it is my issue – and HE was the one who cheated!”

Infidelity violates sacred trust, and, while most relationships are resilient, and can survive much stress and trauma, infidelity often serves the deathblow to all vibrancy in the marriage (even if a couple stays married for years after the ending of an affair) for it undercuts the very humanity of the partner who has offered her mind, her soul, her spirit and her body in loving and appropriate abandon.

2 Comments to “Violation of sacred trust….”

  1. Very understandable.. mine had an affair that started back in 1993 and lasted for well over 10 years – although I finally left in 2000 he continued to see her for another 5 years or more. Trust is broken, marriage vows broken and though we are together now, it’s not the same and never wil be, He still shows no interest in me sexually, although I am not an unattrative woman, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.. He behold nothing.. I no longer am IN love with him, but love him and tolerate an existance for my children. I have no forgiven him – why? Because he has never truly made an effort for forgiveness.. Now I live for me only.

  2. I am just beginning the process of working on a marriage after discovering my husband’s infidelity. It has only been 3 months since I found out and it has not been an easy road. If I am being completely honest, I am not sure if it will work out, but I am committed to giving it every chance. Yes, I still love my husband and do not wish to destroy my family or my daughter’s happiness, but time will tell if I am able to put this behind me and continue our life together. Much depends on the behavior, not words, of the offending spouse. It is easy to say, “I wish this had never happened” or “I can’t believe I hurt you like this”, but the real test is the commitment of the cheating spouse to work towards rebuilding trust and doing all of the things he must to regain the love of his wife.I sometimes think I would be better off with another man who is in love with me and with whom I can communicate. But does this other man exist? At this point, I am willing to work with the man I know and love and hope to come out of it in better shape than before the affair. The unknown is whether a man who was a horrible communicator in the past, who did his own thing and spent alot of his time doing what HE wanted, and who made the decision to be unfaithful to his wife, will be able to turn it around. I am doing what I can right now to try to put the bad thoughts out of my mind, we are in marriage counseling, and things are okay, not great. I am hopeful, but realistic. I do think that a marriage is worth saving and rushing any decisions is a mistake. Good Luck.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s