Posts tagged ‘Trust’

April 2, 2008

Violation of sacred trust….

by Rod Smith

I frequently get letters from women who cannot seem to forgive a husband or partner’s unfaithfulness. “Even though it was 10 years ago and I have said I forgive him, it still haunts me,” writes one person. “He expects me to just get over it as if it is no real issue at all,” writes another. “He rolls his eyes at me, he sighs, as if it is my issue – and HE was the one who cheated!”

Infidelity violates sacred trust, and, while most relationships are resilient, and can survive much stress and trauma, infidelity often serves the deathblow to all vibrancy in the marriage (even if a couple stays married for years after the ending of an affair) for it undercuts the very humanity of the partner who has offered her mind, her soul, her spirit and her body in loving and appropriate abandon.

December 12, 2007

Brief notes to improve your relational environment:

by Rod Smith
  1. Deliver your own news – good or bad. Don’t use others as carrier pigeons.
  2. Try not to keep people waiting. While it is sometimes unavoidable, effort on your part to be punctual will speak volumes about you.
  3. Find a way to remember people’s names. You’ll be surprised how much it will do for you.
  4. Spend less than you earn, and save some money every month. Nothing kills enduring happiness as efficiently as debt.
  5. Get out of the middle of other people’s relationships. Avoid being triangled. Remember Piggy in the Middle is not much fun for Piggy.
  6. Tell the truth as kindly and as efficiently as possible.
  7. Do something dangerous or scary every day.
  8. Say yes more than you say no.
  9. Write. There’s a novel within you awaiting an escape.
  10. Read.
  11. Err on the side of trusting too much than on the side of trusting too little.
  12. Say please and thank you as often as possible.
November 21, 2007

Relationships suffer…

by Rod Smith

1. When being right (correct, moral, accurate) is so important, so insisted upon, that it is at the expense of being loving. A healthy person can sacrifice his or her need to be right in order to love.
2. When anxiety and love are confused. “I am anxious about you” is a far cry from “I love you” and are not the same thing. Anxious people often believe true love necessitates worry. “How will he know I love him if I don’t worry about him?” is the plea of the anxious partner or parent. A healthy person remains non-anxious.
3. When love and control are synonymous. “If you love me you will dress (speak, think, see, hear) according to my will,” says the controller, “or I will question your love for me.” Healthy love celebrates freedom.
4. When love means “melting” into each other, giving up individual identity in the name of love. “We’re so close we even think each other’s thoughts,” proclaims the unhealthy couple. Healthy love elevates separateness, space and individuality.

August 12, 2007

Life and love are more complex than a few steps…

by Rod Smith

I read your articles from two weeks ago called “Next Time You Fall in Love” with some friends, and we had some interesting discussions. I like most of your thoughts, but sometimes I think that life and love are so much more complex than some steps to follow.

Of course life and love are more complex than following a few steps, but even discussions around a few sound steps are a good place to start! It is more than a lot of people do when it comes to “falling” in love.

Thinking, giving a momentary pause for consideration regarding a healthy process of “falling in love” would be quite novel for some people.

I always hesitate over using the word “falling” when it comes to romantic love, for it suggests a total lack of say or control over oneself when it comes to such matters.

Love is not as irrational as popular “thought,” literature, or culture would have us believe, and any discussions you have had regarding how love romantic operates will equip you to open your eyes to the pitfalls that come with love and all of its mysteries and complexities.