Why are some dads so passive?

by Rod Smith

I’ve had a ‘significant other’ for 3 years. We bought a home together. He has his boys (12 and 14) half the time. I have a son (5). I am having problems with dad not taking responsibility for his boys. He has no boundaries and his children do what ever they want. When I discipline I’m ‘meddling.’ Dad does not discipline at all. I feel like I’m the guest. It’s a mess. Why are fathers so passive? It’s hard for a step-mom to do nothing. (Letter edited)

Rod’s response: The passive partner controls the relationship. While you over-function he’ll under-function!

I am willing to bet you spent more time choosing a house than discussing rearing children! You are NOT the stepmother without marriage – and will have no legitimate role with his children without a marriage to their father.

But, I’d suggest marriage is not the answer to this co-created mess. Your mess is not only a result of his passivity, but also a result of your apparent failure to open your eyes before making such a big move!

Bold, blind moves got you to this point. It will take bold, brave moves to get out! I hope this can be acheived without excessively hurting the children.

One Comment to “Why are some dads so passive?”

  1. I had the oposite problem with my ex-husband and the way he deals with our children.
    Both ways are unacceptable & lead to badly behaved children.
    Dad’s boys are playing one against the other and that is not ok & will end up hurting them in the long run.

    I found a great book called BAD DAD…..that you may find helpful.
    Check out my website if you like, there is a very little bit of my story & the link to the book, or you can go directly to the book at the following link.


    Best of luck to you.

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