Archive for July 3rd, 2007

July 3, 2007

Reader writes of his own experience as a boy with a “new” family …

by Rod Smith

“I read your column about the boy who is ‘disrupting his mother’s new marriage.’ Having been a child from such a situation I can relate to him. Even though the father hasn’t been in the picture for some time. The boy still feels a connection to him. He will always come first in the back of the boy’s mind, even though the boy won’t understand why. The “new” husband feels like an impostor (to the boy) and therefore the child feels he doesn’t have to listen to anything he has to say. This will wear off in time and with maturity on the part of the boy.” (Minor edits applied to letter)

The reader reiterates an important human reality. Loyalties, visible or invisible, make themselves prevalent in behavior even if (and when) they appear underserved, irrational or impossible. It seems safe to say that when biological ties are disrupted – even for “good” reasons – conflicted emotions, to one degree or another, are the inevitable result.