Archive for July 2nd, 2007

July 2, 2007

It takes two to tangle……

by Rod Smith

“My fiancé – of 15 years – and I seem to be operating at a tangent with regard to a host of issues. She is a elementary teacher. I am an academic. Her behaviors abound with inconsistencies, lies, secrets, and manipulation. I am more consultative in my communication with her; she is highly defensive and irrational. She has serious temper tantrums, very often derailing the focus of our discussion. She cheated on me once; blatantly lied, but with time, I forgave her for her deception. I believe that by my being supportive and understanding, I am carrying her deep unresolved psychological baggage and subconsciously feeding into my own dependency needs by intellectualizing. I am going to stop forthwith. Please let me have your views. Regrettably because of space, I could not overwhelm you with all the relevant information.” (Letter shortened)

You are apparently a person with much insight. It seems you have decided to turn your insight into action. Well done. Insight alone (by itself) is usually quite useless. You are well aware that people are usually as emotionally well, or unwell, as those whom we tend to choose as partners. It takes two to really tangle!