Archive for July 23rd, 2007

July 23, 2007

Why are some dads so passive?

by Rod Smith

I’ve had a ‘significant other’ for 3 years. We bought a home together. He has his boys (12 and 14) half the time. I have a son (5). I am having problems with dad not taking responsibility for his boys. He has no boundaries and his children do what ever they want. When I discipline I’m ‘meddling.’ Dad does not discipline at all. I feel like I’m the guest. It’s a mess. Why are fathers so passive? It’s hard for a step-mom to do nothing. (Letter edited)

Rod’s response: The passive partner controls the relationship. While you over-function he’ll under-function!

I am willing to bet you spent more time choosing a house than discussing rearing children! You are NOT the stepmother without marriage – and will have no legitimate role with his children without a marriage to their father.

But, I’d suggest marriage is not the answer to this co-created mess. Your mess is not only a result of his passivity, but also a result of your apparent failure to open your eyes before making such a big move!

Bold, blind moves got you to this point. It will take bold, brave moves to get out! I hope this can be acheived without excessively hurting the children.