Teen has become surly — and hardly talks to parent anymore….

by Rod Smith

READER: My talkative, pleasant, and loving child has become a surely teenager (15) who hardly says anything to anyone at home. We have made the home friendly and open so friends would feel welcome, but she chooses to not have friends over at all. I feel shut out of her life. I miss her. I do not want to control my daughter or monitor everything she does or pry into her private life. I just want to know her. She spends hours on the phone talking with her friends and yet can find nothing to say to her parents. What can I do?

ROD: Write her a letter about everything you feel and think regarding her relationship with you. Without judging or blaming her, tell her, simply, as you have told me, that you miss her, and want to be an active parent in her life. Your truth, lovingly and simply expressed, will be the most powerful and effective way of reaching her. There are no tricks or ploys that will have enduring results. Tell your daughter of your love and your desire to know her, then give her a lot of room to respond to you in her own time and manner.  My talkative, pleasant, and loving child has become a surly teenager (15) who hardly says anything to anyone at home. We have made the home friendly and open so friends would feel welcome, but she chooses to not have friends over at all. I feel shut out of her life. I miss her. I do not want to control my daughter or monitor everything she does or pry into her private life. I just want to know her. She spends hours on the phone talking with her friends and yet can find nothing to say to her parents. What can I do?

Write her a letter about everything you feel and think regarding her relationship with you. Without judging or blaming her, tell her, simply, as you have told me, that you miss her, and want to be an active parent in her life. Your truth, lovingly and simply expressed, will be the most powerful and effective way of reaching her. There are no tricks or ploys that will have enduring results. Tell your daughter of your love and your desire to know her, then give her a lot of room to respond to you in her own time and manner.

One Comment to “Teen has become surly — and hardly talks to parent anymore….”

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