QUESTION: My boyfriend goes to visit his ex-girlfriend’s family almost every week. He has meals with them. He drops in on them. He stays in touch with them like he is one of them. I am NOT jealous. He even invites me to join him and I have been with him on a few occasions. His ex-girlfriend is dating someone else and she seems quite comfortable having him around. Here’s the problem: while he likes my family, he LOVES her family. I want him to love my family. Do you think I am being overly sensitive?

Clearly your boyfriend has found community (a place, meaning, significance, a source of pleasure) within the context of his ex-girlfriend’s family. I’d suggest you do nothing at all to try and pry him from this.

The sooner you learn to “go with the flow” and enjoy his community, the sooner he might be as comfortable within your extended family. Here’s the axiom: don’t interfere with relationships that pre-date the relationship you want. Such meddling will almost always come back to haunt you.