Archive for March 13th, 2006

March 13, 2006

Jack was unfaithful and Jill can’t get over it…….

by Rod Smith

“Jack” and “Jill” have been married for twelve years. “Coincidences” lead Jill to stumble on Jack’s affair. She is “mortified.” He confesses. He wants to “get on with my life and marriage.” Jack is angry because Jill can’t “get over” the affair. She wants to talk about it “all the time.” He cannot understand why she doesn’t trust him or want intimacy. He says she can’t forgive. (Theme from several letters)

Dear Jack: Thank God your wife talks with you at all. Be surprised if she is ever willingly intimate again. Your betrayal challenges the foundation of your lives. Forgiving you, and desiring you, have very little in common. Marriage without fidelity is not a marriage. You are lucky to still have one.

Dear Jill: Trusting Jack is up to you, it is not up to him! I’d suggest “guarded trust” for about two years. Request, if you are up to it, that Jack arrange for you to meet the “other woman” so that, in your presence, he can tell her he really wants his marriage and that he was at fault for deceiving and hurting you. Decide how long you need to refrain from physical intimacy. Challenge yourself not to let it linger indefinitely. Marriage without sexual intimacy is not a marriage – and he is lucky he still has one.

March 13, 2006

For parents, teachers, and coaches

by Rod Smith

Rearing children is perhaps the arena or avenue where you, parent, coach or teacher, will make your most profound impact on the world.

Surely the strongest influence upon how we will raise our children might be the manner in which we ourselves were raised? Much can be gained from trying to remember what childhood was really like. If ignored, and if your childhood was difficult, it will color and influence everything about you, including the manner in which you treat children.

I would strongly suggest that any adult who lives or works with children periodically finds a comfortable place to be alone and undisturbed. Then, as a form of meditation, he or she reaches into the memory bank of his or her childhood to see it all again.

Can you see the world through the eyes of a child?

Can you immerse yourself and get into the experience of a child?

Can you feel, see, think, believe and trust others from the perspective of a child (as if you were still a child)?

Are you able to reach into your own childhood and capture the feeling of childlike vulnerability again?

Perhaps, you never knew such vulnerability at anytime in your life.