Archive for March 31st, 2006

March 31, 2006

Responsive people can help heal relationships

by Rod Smith

Are you a responsive person (as opposed to a reactive person)?

1. Responsive people can function within life’s many tensions without becoming overwhelmed.
2. They can see possibilities within problems.
3. They are extraordinarily flexible and they can be very playful.
4. They shape their emotional environment, bringing calm and creativity to their context, rather than assuming the anxieties of those around them.
5. They initiate creatively rather than react defensively and can be objective and consider implications for everybody involved.
6. They see the immediate and the long-term effects of decisions.
7. They see the whole picture and how the whole moves and changes; they do not see only parts, but also how parts influence and impact each other.
8. They do not recruit others to be on their side when conflict occurs.
9. They are not “either / or” or “black and white” thinkers but can see many alternative options and possibilities when reactive people think there is none.
10. They place thinking above feeling: feeling is consequent to the thinking, not the reverse.

March 31, 2006

Reactive people tend to damage relationships….

by Rod Smith

Get out of the middle!

Get out of the middle!

Are you a reactive person or a responsive person?

Reactive behavior is characterized by:

1. Rash, knee-jerk decisions; being anger-driven, living with a “short fuse.”
2. Getting other people rallying for a cause, stampeding to get your way.
3. Being highly subjective and self-protective.
4. Running in the other direction.
5. Being easily hurt, insulted, or damaged.
6. Being humorless or seeing humor as a waste of time.
7. Developing a conspiratorial tone with others.
8. Saying, “People are saying…… about you.”
9. Over-functioning (doing things beyond your responsibilities).
10. Under-functioning (avoiding your responsibilities).
11. Giving unsought advice and expecting it to be followed.
12. Doing things for others that they can do for themselves.
13. Remaining surprised and innocent after causing much disruption.
14. Being vindictive.
15. Trying to get people to take sides.
16. Being unable to see beyond survival, feeling threatened at every turn.
17. Feeling overly responsible for others.
18. Feeling no other person, except you, knows what is right or good.