Reader’s Question: In the early stages of my pregnancy, I found out that my husband was accepting phone calls and gifts from an ex-girlfriend. This hurt terribly. He agreed it was not right and, although he would not be nasty to her, he agreed to cut off all contact. By chance, now months later, I overheard my husband on the phone to his ex and have now found out he never severed the contact and still has not. Am I crazy to feel betrayed?

Rod Smith’s Response: You are not crazy: you have been doubly betrayed. I amazed how often men will protect a woman they are NOT married to, while being quite comfortable with hurting a wife! Your husband would have been wise to shoo off the ex the first time she reared her destructive, seductive head.

I’d suggest face-to-face help with a mediator capable of asking your husband difficult questions. Were I contracted to assist, I’d demand a meeting with the woman, your husband and you, all in the same room. Understandably, having just delivered a child, you might not feel quite up to this.

Then, come to think of it, your husband probably would not agree to such a meeting. Men who deal in deception seldom welcome open dialogue. Besides, it might get nasty long before it gets nice!

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Posted on January 8, 2006 at 5:43 pm in Marriage, Sex matters   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL