Posts tagged ‘married men’

December 27, 2009

He’s the sweetest guy for me….

by Rod Smith

“Not every married man’s situation is the same. I have a friend who is a married man who happens to be so unhappy it just makes my heart break. He has been nothing but the sweetest guy for me. Whether or not we end up together isn’t the end goal, it’s ALL about being happy and sharing that with each other. It is true an extremely happy marriage won’t leave a spouse ripe for an affair, but to tell someone they have to stay miserable while in one and have no way to share happiness with another human being is absurd.”

Deal with what you have, first.

Any relief a married man finds outside of his marriage will be short-lived and heartbreaking to all concerned. The issue regarding “your” unhappy man is not whether he can be “sweet” to you but whether he can be honest with his wife. Of course I am aware that not all marriages must continue for some are beyond toxic, but the solution is not reached by searching outside of the marriage while a person is still in it.

Affairs are seductive, seducing you away from the real problem, and preventing an arrival at its solution. If it is ” ALL about being happy and sharing with each other” and you choose to do so with a man who is married, it will ALL be very powerful, and very temporary.

July 4, 2008

There's a lonely (married) man where I work….

by Rod Smith

“There’s a lonely man where I work. I know he’s unhappily married. I can see it in his eyes. You are going to say I should stay away from him because I have read you for years. What if I just want to have fun? The best sex I have ever had has been with married men. What’s to stop me? I know what I want and I know how to get it.” (Paraphrased)

Deciding the man is lonely from what you see in his eyes is absurd. I’d suggest you are reading your own loneliness in his eyes. The “best sex” to which you refer has clearly been short-lived and probably been of great cost to the men and their families.

Grow up. Leave married men alone. You might even find yourself in your own long-term, committed, authentic relationship if you decide to let alone men who already are!

June 17, 2008

I had an affair with a married man…..

by Rod Smith

A READER WRITES….

Thanks for writing...

Thanks for writing...

“I’ve just ended a 6 year affair with a married man. I lost my husband tragically the year before I met ‘V’. He befriended me and made me feel ‘whole’ again and about 6 months down the line, the affair started. I’m very angry because he lied to me all these years – there were signs of his infidelity towards me but I was so in love with him that I saw past the lies. In the beginning we had such fun, had so much to talk about, the sex was unbelievable and after a while, we became soul-mates.

“The world couldn’t have been a better place. I was so in love with him and seemingly he was with me. He told me he never slept with his wife, that she was not ‘interested’ and in the last year, he told me that they had separated when he bought her a home at the coast. This was a good sign, I thought, and he would be on his way to divorce his wife finally.

“My pain and hurt of being betrayed and used all these years. I’m very angry with him because when it came to the crunch, when I kept on confronting him about the divorce, he kept on telling me he was on the verge of doing it. I finally ended it last week – I’m devastated but I know I did the right thing. All those years of waiting for a text message or a phone call or a visit from him – all those Saturday nights, Christmases and special holidays sitting at home tormenting myself because he was at home with his wife and family. He was a good liar – convinced me of so many things, made promises every day, told me he loved me every day of the 6 years I was in the relationship with him.

“I phoned his wife eventually and told her – she was shocked to hear that her hubby would even be capable of having an affair and then I realised that all he had told me was in fact a huge lie. If I could give anyone any advice, is stay away from married men – it only leads to huge pain for everyone involved. Whilst you are in the middle of the affair, it’s seems too good to be true, and that’s because it is! I’m very sad about the loss of a love that I had – I was in love with someone who turned out to be a charlatan, a deceitful, compulsive liar. I’m going to get back on my feet and start to live my life, stop wasting my precious hours and days crying over a man who has hurt me so much.”