Love one another is surely among life’s hardest, crucial, most fabulous assignments.
Jesus commanded it.
He did not suggest it or consider it a good idea.
If we claim faith in Jesus, His commands leave us no options, no outs, or off ramps.
We are to love those who love us back and those who do not.
We are to love even those who for whatever reason, have chosen to reject and hate us. Hardest perhaps, we are to love those for whom we are invisible, those who regard us, if they even notice we exist, with indifference.
We are to love modern day Samaritans (the commonly rejected change from culture to culture, group to group) and Pharisees (today’s know-it-all blowhards who peer down at we lesser mortals) and teachers of the law and hookers and addicts and bankers and Rev. Private Jet pastors and prostitutes. We are to love those who treat us with the contempt shown to New Testament Samaritans.
Yes.
Everyone.
As you, my sons, love others well and as you learn to love even more people – it doesn’t come naturally – from the most distant or platonic of relationships, to the most intimate and sacred love and trust in marriage, you will be guided, sometimes cajoled, driven, even bullied by deep inner impulses.
Strong tides, forces unseen, forces felt but unknown will rise within you.
These inner pressures are sufficiently powerful that words expressed on any page will not be able to quell the force they will try to exert over you.
Love drills down deep for discovery of the opposite spirit, the counter-intuitive approach, the unexpected, the unanticipated means toward a loving, kind end.
Love your enemies is not some insurmountable-Jesus-hurdle.
He did not command it to trick anyone.
Loving your enemies is the gateway to loving all people, even to love those whom we may consider easy to love.
No one is easy to love.
Remember, what you can do to anyone you can do to everyone.
Love is really understanding the parable of the “good” Samaritan and trying to live it out daily.
Love, to imperfectly and briefly quote Paul, the Apostle, doesn’t return evil for evil.
Finally, read Paul’s summary of love in 1 Corinthians 13 and remind yourself over and over again, Paul did not have wedding sermons in mind when he put his heart on paper.
May this question help you to plan your day. I confess, it’s constantly in the back of my mind with almost all my daily interactions.
You’ve seen him demanding to see the boss, insisting on getting his way, banging fists on the counter. He becomes aggressive and threatening when things don’t go his way. You can be this person if you want. It all depends on what kind of person you want to be.
You’ve heard and seen her, raising her voice at a waiter in a fine restaurant because something wasn’t up to her standards. She plays dirty and attempts to humiliate helpers to land a free meal. You can be this way if you want. Everything depends on who you want to be.
You’ve seen him, kind and patient under stress, generous and openhearted, even when facing difficulties. You can be this way if you want. It’s always, and there are no exceptions, up to you.
You’ve seen her, helping the poor, serving the sick, making meals for neighbors, all-the-while undergoing her own stresses, suffering beneath her own burdens and loads. She serves while she herself deserves to be served. You can be this way if you want. Everything pivots on what kind of person you want to be.
My friend Michael — a finer human (than Michael) I’m yet to meet.
There is no need to twist God’s Arm in ardent prayer seeking God’s Presence.
Hold God’s Hand, instead.
It’s nearer than you may think.
Right there, there’s God’s Hand.
See it?
It’s at the end of the arm of the woman begging at the traffic light. You and I and thousands of others drive off trying hard not to see her and when we do, many of us blame her for her addiction and say things like – in our heads of course – I am not paying for her next pack of cigarettes and I bet she has a cell phone.
Did you see God wave at the traffic light?
God’s Hand is the hand of the unshaved man holding the begging cup and grasping his homeless sign.
You and I and thousands of others drive off remembering just how hard we work for our money and think – to ourselves of course – why can’t he work hard for his money and then you and I remembered how we pulled ourselves up by our own bootstraps and why can’t he.
Then – to ourselves of course – we blamed the government.
What are they doing about this begging problem?
When we hold the hand of the lonely, the poor, the disenfranchised, the frightened, we are holding God’s Hand.
When I tell you you are going to tell me it is out of love or concern.
There are better ways to love me than emotional arm-wrestling.
You want me to respond to my circumstances as you may respond to pressures you are facing.
I am not you.
You are not me.
We are not the same.
We each have our own way of handling matters, from matters insignificant to matters of deep consequence.
This is not a rejection of you or of your love or an insult. It is a tribute to both of us.
I have no problem with you being unlike me.
Could you afford me the same freedom and privilege?
Very different life experiences shaped us each and delivered us to our unique challenges. It is only to be expected that our responses will be quite different.
Even what we perceive as threats are not the same. What seems to be a threat to you lands on me as a challenge. It works the other way around, too.
Let’s agree to love each other so powerfully, that we learn the fine art of leaving each other alone so our friendship may truly flourish.
I am here for you.
We can discuss anything you want and I will do it without exerting any pressure whatsoever.
Richard McChurch always made a concerted effort to be a good public witness to the Gospel, the Church Universal, and the Legion of Invisible Witnesses – to whomever the book of Hebrews was referring – and the angels and archangels whenever he was in public.
“I might be the only Bible someone ever reads,” was something he often said. “I’ll be God with skin on,” was another.
Even though it was sometimes a source of embarrassment to others, Richard always closed his eyes, held the hands of whomever he was sharing a meal, and prayed out loud, very specifically: “God bless the very food and bless the very hands that prepared it, Lord, and in the very name of Jesus.”
Richard held firmly to the belief that you could never know who was watching. You never know the possible consequence of a public display of gratitude with the rampant onslaught of secularism that was consuming the nation.
Richard seldom ate alone. Meals were opportunities. Meals were a very Biblical way to witness.
One day Richard grabbed a quick meal at a fast food outlet near his office. While unwrapping his whopping triple-burger, burger — hold the cheese to reduce the calories — boldness overtook him and he decided to pray out loud even though he was dining alone.
“Almighty God,” he bellowed.
“Yes, Richard. You called My name,” said God.
“Well, I was just about to ask You to bless this food and to bless the very hands that prepared it.”
“Bless? Richard. What exactly do you mean? Would you like me to reduce the fat content so it won’t clog your arteries or would you like me to do a little divine angioplasty while you are eating? Bless? I mean look, Richard. You are doing the dietary equivalent of a free-fall off a high-rise building, and, and asking me to ‘bless’ your fall.”
“I get it, God. I think. Could you at least bless the hands that prepared it?”
“That’s up to you,” replied God.
“What do you mean?”
“Blessing others is up to you. That’s what I mean. Go to the counter and ‘bless’ the woman who served you. Take out your wallet. Give her all the money in it. That will ‘bless’ her.”
“God, You know sometimes You can be….”
“Yes. I know Richard. I can be so awfully practical, so downright unspiritual.”
“Are you making fun of me?”
“No Richard, I am having fun with you. Now don’t change the subject…… go ahead and ‘bless’ that dear woman who helped you.”
The freedom to be alone and enjoy time to think and plan and explore an internal world for reflection and growth and appreciation – with the love and support of significant others.
The freedom to share life with a diverse collection of friends and associates with whom values and goals are shared – with the support of significant others.
The freedom to reach out to family and extended family without explanation or apology — with the encouragement of significant others.
The freedom to investigate and discover new interests and passions quite unlike those previously pursued – with the support of significant others.
The freedom to confront situations that are fraught with unease or dissatisfaction with the hope of developing a plan to shift circumstances and move away from untenable conditions – with the support of significant others.
The freedom to change (and sometimes to fail at changing) established unhelpful patterns, habits that have resulted in painful consequences – with support and not cynicism from significant others.
The freedom to rest and recuperate from stressful days, weeks, months, seasons in order to re-enter life and productivity with freshness and zeal – with encouragement and support from immediate family and significant others.
The freedom to seek help from outsiders and for help to be confidential — with support from significant others.
I have had the joy of being with you this past week: several of you shared meals with me and we met in ways I know I will remember. I hope you will, too. Thank you. Given the time I would have enjoyed such an opportunity with each of you. During your first session with me I told you I would give you my notes from each of my talks. If you read this letter today or in ten years it is all ok with me. People do what they are ready to do. Keep them. See how well they age. Remind yourself that I repeatedly said I am addressing the future you.
Day One I tried to tell you how unique and beautiful you are. This is not an older adult attempting to convince you of something adults generally want you to believe. As I said I really have never met – 50 countries and thousands of people later – anyone, anywhere who is not beautiful. Yes, I have met people who have done really ugly things and done a few myself, but, you (we) are beautiful. Get to know any human by listening, really listening, and I believe you will soon agree with me. We talked about leadership: I said Leadership is a Function, a role, not a position. If your motive in becoming a leader is to see your name at the top of a list or to be the boss, your distorted motive will be your constant hurdle. Leadership is about who and what you are and what you do within a community. It is not about status. If it is the status you seek, your drive for recognition will persistently contaminate your leadership. To lead others effectively it is necessary to know what you are good at and what you are not good at. Work at your strengths. Accommodate your weaknesses. Both are yours for the long-haul.
I encouraged you to consistently define yourself. If you don’t, someone will. Resist the natural anxious urge to define others. Become an expert in your own behavior. Resist the natural (anxious) urge to be an expert in the behavior of others, especially those who annoy you. Listen more than you speak. Make sure you are hearing, not waiting to talk. I closed saying Self-Leadership has by far the greatest impact on how effective you are as a leader. If you can’t lead yourself you can effectively lead nothing and no one.
Day Two I emphasized your (and my) uniqueness. I urged you to find within the depths of where your hearts, minds, spirits, souls meet (see it as a kind of Venn diagram) the beautiful “place” generally referred to as the SELF. YourSELF is beautiful, it’s as unique as your fingerprints, your voice, and your personality. It is shaped by your family history, your DNA, by enduring joyful and nurturing experiences. It is shaped also by trauma, by loss, grief and so much else. This SELF is resilient. The Self wants to be well. It self-repairs (given conducive conditions). It is not Selfish to find and love and know yourSelf. I would suggest it is selfish NOT to. People who avoid Self-Awareness because they consider it selfISH are usually people who put stress on leadership teams and on friendships and battle with boundary confusion – “I am I, you are you, we are we, Let’s not confuse the three” – Remember? It’s corny BUT if you live it, it will save you a LOT of pain and therapist bills!
Day Three I emphasized your God-given desire for Autonomy. It’s part of your humanity. To desire self-directedness (AUTONOMY – SPACE, ROOM TO MOVE, freedom to be yourself) comes with your birth package. When it is unfulfilled – or ignored – you will be discontent. You have a similar God-given desire for Intimacy. This is part of your humanity. We all want some closeness, to belong, to be part of. Accepting that these Dueling Desires live within you and recognizing they are present in all the people will make it easier for you to welcome both into their legitimate place within your life. You (and I) really grow up when you (we) meet these needs in yourself AND understand that others are similarly driven. When your best friend chooses to be alone (wants Autonomy) it is not a rejection of you (necessarily) if you, at the same time, want Intimacy. Remember, you cannot LOVE and CONTROL the same person.
This afternoon (Thursday) and Day Four, I left you with eight things I would tell my younger self:
Save, and never touch, one third of all the money you earn. Few people regret having saved from an early age. Few things upset adulthood as well as financial pressures.
Honor your family and extended family relationships above all other relationships. If you are a brother or a son, a niece or an aunt, be the best one you can be.
Learn to live without blaming others. While others are indeed imperfect, blaming others for anything will seldom get you to where you really want to go. There are exceptions which I made clear (I hope).
Forgive, truly forgive, but remember. To forgive and forget is often foolish and even impossible. Remembering is not the same as holding a grudge. There are exceptions which I made clear (I hope).
Find your VOICE and hold onto it. Finding your voice means figuring out what you want your life to say. Only a small portion of finding your voice has to do with actual words.
Every unfortunate or bad thing that happens to you will ultimately offer you a choice. Will it become SEED (for growth) or STONE (resentment or hardness)? Seed will be most helpful to you. The choice will always be yours.
Pursue (chase) education even over romance. Few people regret having a sound education.
Gain understanding about your power, the power that comes with being human. Treasure it; Protect it, Deploy it. Use it for its intended purpose only.
I have loved being with you. Thank you. I especially enjoyed the Talent Show and the party. I loved watching your amazing capacity to have fun and I particularly enjoyed seeing some of you who arrived earlier this week appearing shy and withdrawn having the time of your lives.
Rod
Dad, Uber Driver, International Speaker and Newspaper Columnist
Save, and never touch, one third of all the money you earn. Few people regret having saved from an early age. Few things upset adulthood as powerfully as constant financial pressures.
Honor your family and extended family relationships above all other relationships. If you are a brother or a son, a niece or an aunt, be the best one you can be.
Learn to live without blaming others. While others are indeed imperfect, blaming others for anything you are will seldom get you to where you really want to go.
Forgive, truly forgive, but remember. To forgive and forget is often foolish and often impossible. Remembering is not the same as holding something against another.
Find your voice and don’t let others try to take it from you. Finding your voice means figuring out what you want your life to say. Only a little of finding your voice has to do with actual words.
Every bad or unfortunate thing that happens to you, once you have gotten over the shock, will offer you a choice. Will it become seed (for growth) or stone (resentment or hardness)? Seed will be most helpful to you.
Pursue as much education as possible even over and above romance. Few people regret having a sound education.
Gain understanding about your power, the power that comes with being human. Treasure it; Protect it, Deploy it. Use it for its intended purpose only.
There are a few ways I can tell when an unwell client is gathering strength and becoming well……
He begins to speak up. He resists “falling into line” and acquiescing to others when he’d previously kept his mouth shut and conformed to the expectations of others.
She starts to think things through. She turns consequences and ramifications over in her mind before agreeing with or accepting my suggestions. She trusts her own insights more than she trusts her therapist’s insights about her.
He develops a growing “bird’s eye view” of his life. He begins to see with greater and greater clarity how seemingly “small” decisions of repeated healthy choices rapidly usher in larger positive outcomes than can be anticipated.
She begins to enjoy the rewards of making difficult but healthy choices. She wakes up most days with growing anticipation despite her substantial challenges.
He sees and feels more and more courageous and confident about his own life even while appreciating the humility required of those who desire to live meaningful lives.
She expresses thanks and appreciation for her life despite its struggles and anticipates being an agent of hope to others with similar challenges.
Mozambique, Malawi, Rwanda, South Africa, South Sudan, Namibia, Burkina Faso, Zambia, and several other African countries were well represented. Three were from the USA. One was from the UK and one was from Canada.
We were a collection of pastors and counselors, writers, journalists, and artists. Two were television journalists who covered little known wars. I was aware of at least 1 engineer.
I heard people speaking English, Portuguese, Xhosa, and several languages I could not identify.
While I have no way of knowing anyone’s net worth it became clear from multiple conversations that some lived on very very little while others have all they’ll ever need.
Several people among us had buried their children, faced wars, famine and experienced violence first hand.
Some had faced forced removals and had to resettle in areas unknown. At least 2 had endured brutal torture.
For 10 days we lived together, shared meals, and talked. We learned. We laughed. We listened. Some cried.
Over the days it became clear that happiness and peace and goodwill all come from within and defy purchase. We learned, some for the first time and some again, that it’s not where someone lives that delivers contentment, but always how.
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