“This sudden extreme case of “menopausal rage” being inflicted by a mother and wife on all around her can only be described as selfish and egocentric because every time she lashes out she is aware of how much she is affecting those around her. Menopause is being blamed for her wanting to upset her loved ones. I am a medical doctor as well as a wife and mother. I will advise both the husband & wife to get transcripts of Larry King Live “Change Your Mind , Change Your Life” 03/08/08. Basically she has to instruct her brain not to lash out and as Candace Pert , one of his guest says ‘”Our brains are wired for bliss” So do not despair ,show your wife that she is in control of what she is telling her brain to do and she can change all your lives by telling her brain that Menopause is not to blame for her outbursts.”

Dear Rod Smith:

Thank you for opening the debate up to the public with regards to the woman who is going through an angry menopause.

During menopause especially but also before her period (the infamous PMS) a woman is more in tune with what is happening in the collective.

Women have not been able to express anger for the last 5000 to 6000 years due to the patriarchal construct in which it was appropriate to submit to men. With the collapse of this system women are feeling safe enough to express their anger for the first time. After holding it back for so long is it really surprising that perhaps they are a bit incompetent.

This situation is clearly reflected in the menopausal woman’s case. No doubt she has kept her anger in check for the past 50 years and as she goes through the rite of passage to wise woman she is no longer prepared to play it like that. My guess is at this point she couldn’t really care less what others think of her.

Is her anger justified? It is difficult to tell from the letter what things she is getting angry at. I would say though that if you have eyes and heart there is little not to be angry about.
I personally stay in touch with reality not only through my intuition but also through fact finding. I read in the Mercury yesterday that a woman gets raped in South Africa every 17 seconds, which works out to 1.85 million rapes per year or 7% of the women in SA get raped every year. It appears nothing short of miraculous to get through a life without being subjugated in this way. All the women in the Congo have been raped, many with sharp objects. Apparently in America 1/5 women gets raped in her lifetime, this means that 1/5 American men are rapists. This is enough to make me stark raving mad. Perhaps in the 1940’s my partner could have sent me in for a lobotomy.
It is clear to me that pent up anger, which explodes inappropriately is rather useless both for the self and the world. Anger however shows its face when there is something wrong. I think it is high time that people start helping women to see that their anger is justified and how to use it effectively. I think if her husband loves her, he should ask her to explain why she is so angry and dedicate time and energy to the process. I also think he should endeavor to learn how to surrender to truth, when he hears it. I have little doubt that some of her anger is to do with the way that BOTH of them have constructed their relationship in the past.

I also think that she needs to do some inner work, seeing all the unconscious patterns she is playing out in order to be able to contain her anger and hone it into a laser like sharpness aimed at all the injustice of the world, personal and collective, past and present. If all angry women would do this, I think we could see a radical transformation of the world at large in a relatively short space of time. We need to believe that it is safe enough(i.e men must take a vow of non-violence and a vow to remain engaged until the situation has fully unwound) or be prepared to die for truth (virtually any man is superior in physical combat). I ascribe most forms of depression which afflicts many, many women to be a denial of anger due to the lack of safe forum. Her husband could help to create that safe space for her and for all women.

I have noted in myself, and in other women, an ‘automatic submission programme’ playing out. This often it is this that gets me into anger. I also perceive that men have an ‘automatic domination programme’ running, which gets me angry too. Looking deeper I see in women it comes out of a fear of abusing their power while men’s consciousness appears to be more polarized into a fear of being dominated. These two together set up a tricky situation in the interplay between masculine and feminine, keeping us apart, like that famous dance the Tango.

In the end, obviously it would be ideal for all people to be able to express the truth clearly enough for it to be undeniable and delivered without the presence of anger. To complement that way of a being we need a willingness to be able to surrender to truth, despite the humiliation which arises in the human psyche out of being wrong or finding out that you have been tyrannical in some witting or unwitting way.

I hope my letter finds you well. I see it is probably too long for publication, at least in the newspaper where I read your column. I trust you will contemplate it fully and if you edit it, maintain the balanced viewpoint I have attempted to convey.

Kind Regards

Barbara (last name removed by Rod