The Mercury / Wednesday – Dedicated to the students at DPHS

An educated young man…(fifteen symptoms)

1. He defines his own path, and does not follow of the pack.

2. He writes well, or is learning to; he speaks well, and, if necessary, he can command an audience; he never uses crude language.

3. He understands his personal history as much as he can and harbors no contempt for his roots.

4. He understands his cultural history, is empowered by its heroes, but is not trapped by its villains.

5. He never raises his voice at his parents or refers to his mother as “she.”

6. He respects legitimate authority, but is unafraid to appropriately question it.

7. He understands and respects the power of money.

8. He respects all women everywhere.

9. He reads broadly, or is at least learning to do so.

10. He stands up when his elders enter a room and gives up his seat to those who need it.

11. He loves and respects the environment, the sciences, and all forms of the arts.

12. He opens doors for others, and he enters dark rooms first. He never wears a hat in a building.

13. He stands on his own two feet without pushing anyone else over.

14. He loves his brain enough to protect it from harmful substances.

15. He loves and understands his body, treats it like his longest lasting and most treasured asset.

And, of course, to my own boys:

The Mercury / Friday

• My heart goes out to children who live in unsettled houses. Houses where the abuse of alcohol or drugs dominates everything. Houses where rage rips people apart.

• My heart goes out to children whose parents were once together and now are apart. Although the child may have received loving messages about how they are loved despite what mother and father do, it still often makes no sense to the child.

• My heart goes out to children who are fighting a deadly disease and to the siblings who are fighting it with them. The necessary lack of certainty bolstered with statements of faith, all within the same adult sentence, can be confusing. It’s at least as confusing for the child as it is for the adult trying to comfort them.

• My heart goes out to children whose boundaries are ignored and violated and whose voices are ignored or silenced. Such children might as well be invisible to those commissioned to love and protect them.

• My heart goes out to the child who must assume a defensive stance because of race, gender, language; or whether he or she is “legal” or “illegal.”

• My heart goes out to children who are hungry in a nation of plenty, those born outside the dominant culture, those whose troubles are the fruit of a troubled nation.

• My heart goes out to my own sons who, it seems, will never know their blood mothers or blood fathers and who have to tolerate me when at times I’m unpredictable, irrational, and reactive.

Happiness, peace, joy, will not hit you out of the blue. You (we) have to do the legwork. Today is a good day to include the following and therefore make it that much more possible to struck by happiness:

• Make phones call to affirm the powerful roles other people have played in your life. No matter how important you are you did not get to where you are on your own. While there indeed are “self-made” unsuccessful people, there are no “self-made” successful people. Make calls, write letters, and send a few emails. Write extravagant cheques to the schools that helped you.
• Tell your family you love them. Call each person and use the words “I love you.” Take a deep breath and read the words off this page if that helps. I am not being facetious. There are many people who struggle to say these simple words for all manner of complex reasons.
• Retrace your steps no matter how far you have to go back and, as far as it is possible, make amends. Re-build burned bridges. Apologize, swallow your pride, admit to your failings, and ask for forgiveness. Make things right with others as much as you are able.
• Buy a huge box of nappies (diapers) at leave it as a secret gift for new parent.

How to behave in a coffee shop:

• Spread your belongings onto several chairs and pull a few tables together so you can occupy as much space as possible. Sigh and grumble when customers are looking for a place to sit and hint that you may want to offer a little of your coffee shop real estate to others.
• Have several technology devices going at the same time so as to add to your importance – one lap-top computer is not enough – have a couple of phones going too, even if you’re just watching your latest YouTube post on all of them to boost your numbers.
• Give dirty looks to people at tables who are disturbing your work by talking to each other.
• Order the cheapest drink on the menu and occupy the space hours after you’ve consumed it. Keep the cup to show you have paid your way.
• When you arrive huff and puff near your favorite tables if they are occupied. The customers who are there before you might not know you they are in your spot.
• Set up your office space and conduct interviews with prospective employees or prospective customers. They will be really impressed with your approach to cost savings and they’ll have an inkling about how you will treat them.

Bravery – The Mercury – Thursday

Brief insights on (real) bravery

• The person who is willing to tell the truth despite the possibility of fallout or the incurrence of personal cost – a word is a bond

• The person who self-edits and chooses truth in the minutia of life rather than expressing half-truths or “little” lies which may make life easier or more convenient – truth begins within

• The person who could legitimately expect to be served by others but who chooses instead to serve others – joy comes from serving

• The person who repeatedly believes in the best of others despite the repeated failings of others – there is gold (somewhere) in all

• The teacher or coach who sees talent in a student and is willing to appear to fail or appear to be less than successful so a student may learn or experience something new – success breeds success and doesn’t always look like success

• The parent who knows how much to tell a son or daughter and how much to withhold from a son or a daughter so he or she may be necessarily and appropriately informed and yet at the same time not unnecessarily burdened – love includes and love self-edits

• The person who knows and understands that love is about listening and supporting and learning and making room for the needs and concerns of others – love makes room for others.

I’ve long held the belief and seen repeatedly that life is both beautiful and brutal. The news, while more frequently focused on the brutal, is also full of examples of beauty.

Perhaps where the beauty is most apparent and it’s brutality is toughest to bare, is where I see the brutality of life working its path in my sons’ lives:

·      This weekend I attended an event called “One hundred Men Who Cook” and watched the gathered crowd gather up over a quarter of a million dollars for a chosen charity. Beautiful.

·      This weekend I watched interviews with families who lost sons and daughters in a school massacre in Florida. Brutal.

·      On Sunday I talked to my brother and sister about matters we each find important. Beautiful.

·      My older boy is reeling in the wake of unexpected news from a far-off place (brutal) and I watched his younger brother comfort him as only a brother can (beautiful).

·      When I really am missing South Africa I sometimes will download a sermon from a church I have heard of and find some comfort. This weekend I heard Elliot Sonjica of Hilton Christian Fellowship preach about the role of the deacon. Beautiful.

May there be an imbalance in your life – where the beauty outdoes the brutality by a really large margin.

The Mercury – A life-style of anger (Thursday)

Some people are so angry, and have been angry for so long, they would not want to be without it. It is the only way they know how to relate to the world.

Life does not have to be this way for the angry person. There is always the grace to forgive, and the choice to live in peace with all people everywhere.

Obvious (overt) manifestations of anger are outbursts of temper, resentment, and the failure to forgive.

These are the easy clues to detect an angry person.

More subtle expressions of anger are deep cynicism, estrangement from family and friends, the desire to be isolated, and the loss of faith in loved ones.

These are as much signs of anger as is cursing at the traffic.

Anger begins as scaffolding surrounding a life, but then, if it is not dealt with, if matters are not settled; if it lingers, anger can become the very structure itself.

Give some angry people a reason to forgive, to give up their anger and they are left with nothing.

Anger is the lens through which they see the world, manipulate and control relationships, and without it, they become nothing. They have sold their peace in exchange for their resentments and have forgotten that it does not have to be this way.

The Mercury / Monday Meditation

• You may earn more than I do and live in a nicer house – but our loneliness is probably the same. When it does it’s horrid trick it doesn’t really matter who has the most cash or the nicest home. Loneliness doesn’t care where we live or where and how much we bank.

Invite me in – perhaps we can be friends and ease our common pain.

• You may be more educated than I am and you may have graduated from a respected university – but I know that if you regard anyone, anywhere with contempt, your education has given you little worth knowing. I may not be very bright by your standards but I do know that truly educated people never use it as a weapon.

Talk to me – I might be able to teach you a thing or two.

• You may be more travelled than I am and can talk about places I have not heard of or could afford to visit in my wildest dreams – but if travel has made you contemptuous of your homeland and its peoples then travel has not done its finer work in you. Citizens of the world find beauty and wonder everywhere.

Come to my house – my culture is as interesting as any you will find on any distant shore.