Readers please help….. I’ll post my response to this step-mother tomorrow…..

by Rod Smith

“I met my husband when his children were 3 and 7. I thought that I would learn to love someone else’s child and that it would just take time to bond. We are now married with a child of our own. Their biological mom is and has always been trouble and does nothing but try to put both my husband and me down in the kids eyes. The kids are sweet and loving but I still find it hard to bond to them. It’s always ‘my mommy this’ and ‘my mommy that’ and it makes it hard to bond. At times I want it to be me and my child and husband. I know how this sounds but seriously can you tell me I must immediately love and like everyone just because they happen to be smaller. I am not a bad or evil person I simply dislike having to be caring and attentive to another person’s child when I get none of the reward. They will always love their mother more and that’s the way it should be, but I can only take so much rejection. Eventually my heart turns off and I am left wondering why I thought being a step parent would be great.”

4 Comments to “Readers please help….. I’ll post my response to this step-mother tomorrow…..”

  1. I’m sure your situation is not easy. I was raised by my mother and step-father, so I’ve seen the other side of this. It wasn’t easy, and he did nothing to win me over, I’ll tell you that.

    Children are not there to “reward” you. Remember that it’s not easy for them either, they didn’t ask for any of this. With your husband on board you can expect them to treat you with respect, but you are not and never will be their mother. In time, if she is constantly putting you down and you are being the bigger person, they will judge for themselves.

    It doesn’t make you evil that you have a hard time bonding with them, but you need to exercise patience and try to see things differently.

  2. Well, this whole situation is a heavy burden to carry when you don’t necessarily want to do it. I have been in that situation and always knew that the children had a mother and a father and I had no problems when they said, “mommy said or daddy said” You are right, that is the way it should be. I think you should look at this situation as a blessing. God will never, ever give you any more than you can bare to handle and all that being said, perhaps you should put aside the things you want or feel that you need and regardless of how the children act, learn to love them because you can. Regardless of who the earthly parents are, the children still belong to God. So give God all the glory and honor and thank him for giving you the opportunity to love another. I think when you do that, you will see a change in your circumstances.

  3. Step-parenting is a life long process, whose end result may, or may not be what you imagined. So, lower your expectations, love your husband and enjoy your new family.

  4. Step-parenting is a lifelong process, whose end result may, or may not be what you imagined. So lower your expectations, love your husband and enjoy your new family.

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