“My son and his wife are in a constant battle with his ex-wife and her family. They want the grandchildren ALL the time and seem to never think of their new family as really part of the children. I hardly know my new step-grandchildren but I’d rather that than step into the middle of the battle for time with the children. Should I be working harder to get to know these children so they will know me one day or should I just let things be as they are for now?”

It's a fine line......

If there are already tensions regarding who the children ought to know and visit then I’d suggest you follow your intuition which suggest you remain out of the tug-of-war.

Children will readily pick up on surrounding stresses and tensions and will ultimately use them to their benefit – and not necessarily to the benefit of the adults who use the children as bargaining chips.

Stay out of conflicts that do not directly involve you. Your daughter and her husband are presumably adult enough to represent themselves in their own battles.

Posted on June 14, 2011 at 7:31 am in Adolescence, Anxiety, Blended families, Boundaries, Difficult Relationships, Family Systems Theory, Parenting/Children, Past relationships, Step parenting, Stepfather, Stepmother, Teenagers, Victims, Violence, Voice   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL