June 8, 2010
by Rod Smith
Authentic gains in health in one relationship will have spinoff benefits for your other relationships. Offering your partner greater definition and clarity, standing up to him or her with necessary firmness will offer a generic shift for all your relationships. Defining yourself to your partner will improve the quality of relationship you have with your children. It’s a welcome, often unexpected spinoff. It’s counter-intuitive.
Similarly, if you want your relationship with your boyfriend to improve, develop a deeper bond with your dad. If you are having difficultly with your daughter, look at your relationship with your own mother. You will probably find some clues about how the difficulties are developing.
Members of your Family of origin (you, your parents, siblings, and your children) are intricately connected and the quality of the connection will significantly impact everyone in our circle of influence whether we intend it to or not.
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June 7, 2010
by Rod Smith
“I have been with my boyfriend for two years. All our arguments are about me ‘cheating.’ He wants me to delete my Facebook account and change my phone number. He is constantly tormenting me about who phoned me, ‘hit on me,’ and texts me. He’s talking marriage. Would he be the right man to live with for the rest of my life?” (Grammar modified)
The controlling / jealousy virus to which he plays host will not disappear because you get married – it will get worse. If this is how the man treats you when you are dating (when he is being most romantic) you can only imagine what he will be like when you are married.
If you want your wings permanently clipped, your hands in handcuffs, every move, friendship, and thought monitored (and you consider these manifestations of jealousy to be expressions of love) then, of course, he is the man for you.
The man needs help and you are not the one who can provide it.
Travel aside: My childhood in Red Hill exposed me to the best curry dishes on the planet. I’ve spent the last 20 years in the USA craving Natal curries! Singapore has it. I found it. Dinner in the Geylang District of this great Island Nation caused me to sweat with joy.
Posted in Affairs, Anger, Betrayal, Boundaries, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Domination, Friendship, Manipulation, Reactivity, Sexual abuse, Triangles, Victims, Violence, Voice, Young Love |
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June 6, 2010
by Rod Smith
“Our two-year marriage has been rocky. Two weeks ago he left and said he didn’t know how he felt about me. I found out he has been talking to another female for about two months. I have left him alone to give him time to think but I’m ready to know where he is in this. Today I took the opportunity to ask about where his feelings are. He said he had not thought about it much. Talk about a dagger through my heart. He said he was going to start traveling with his job and would be out of town about 8 months out of the year and we ought to throw in the towel. I told him that was not what I wanted but I would respect his decision. I am devastated! I love him and don’t want a divorce. Do you think there is any help for my situation? What do I do next?” (Edited)
He’s living with packed bags. It’s time for you to love yourself enough to want something better. If “better” is to be with your husband it will not be because of anything you do or do not do. Don’t leave your future in the hands of someone who treats you in this manner. Take up your life!
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