“I have been married for twenty years to a habitual liar. He cannot speak the truth. He has had numerous affairs but still comes home. Why? I have asked him to leave but he says he never will. I have reached the end and am going to divorce him in the New Year. The problem is he continually gets into debt and cannot repay his debts. I have unhappy for 20 years, but stuck hoping that this man would change. He has told me that I am ugly. I still look after him; cook, clean, and wash. I no longer have any sexual relationship with him and he thinks he is the victim. The question is why does he still come back home?”
Your happiness is in your hands, not his. It appears you are at least as resistant to change as he is. He comes back because you allow him to. Get your eyes off his flaws and focus on your behavior. I continually meet men and women who are experts on their spouse’s behavior while, at the same time, appear to be blind to how their own behavior contributes to what the spouse is able to do and not do.
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