Archive for December 19th, 2009

December 19, 2009

He wants me out of my “old lady night gown” …..

by Rod Smith

“My boyfriend gets really angry to the point of almost leaving me because I have on my ‘old lady night gown’ when any maintenance man comes to our house. When I’m at home I like to be relaxed in a loose flowered long night gown. I hate wearing outside clothes when I’m at home. I feel that I shouldn’t have to go through changes by running in my room to hurry up to put on clothes. My boyfriend doesn’t want them to see me dressed this way. But I think I have nothing to show them because my hair isn’t done at home and I’ve gained a lot of weight the last couple of years and my face is plain. What should I do?”

Fortify your boundaries and stay out of control

Fortify your boundaries

Dress how ever you want. You are an adult. A man who has to control how a significant other dresses is clearly not engaged in too many meaningful pursuits. It’s a very small man who monitors the wardrobe of others and, if you give into it, next thing he’ll be choosing your friends, deciding what you should be reading, thinking about, and finding funny. It’s not about clothes – it’s about control.

Fortify your boundaries and stay out of control – especially when it comes from someone you love. Remember Love and Control cannot exist together in the same relationship. They are mutually exclusive – always. No exceptions. In other words, and forgive me if I am beating a dead horse, you cannot both LOVE and CONTROL the same person.

Of course, when you do stand up to such a man you will pay a price. He’ll kick and scream (hopefully not literally) and plead and say you don’t love him. Then he’ll become all boyish and try to charm you into obedience. When you allow all these tricks to fail he will have at least two options: leave, or grow up. No matter what his decision, you will always be better off if you are the one making decisions about what you do and don’t wear. Remember it is not about clothing – it is about regarding you as a possession, or respecting you as a separate, unique person.