Fundamental errors in thinking when in a toxic relationship…

by Rod Smith

1. I have to stay in this marriage for the sake of children.
2. I have no options because he/she holds all the power.
3. I’d rather have an abusive partner than no partner at all.
4. If we only had enough money there would not be all these stresses and strains.
5. My friends (family, neighbors) will never forgive me if I get divorced.
6. No one cares how bad it is and I have no one to talk to.
7. He will lose his job if this comes out.
8. We keep our marriage troubles secret and no one knows about them.
9. My parents will reject me if this relationship doesn’t work.
10. It is my fault that he/she is abusive.
11. Things will improve if I am sufficiently patient.
12. He’s a lot better because he/she doesn’t hit me as much (drink as much, scream as much) as he/she used to.

3 Comments to “Fundamental errors in thinking when in a toxic relationship…”

  1. Rod,
    This is a good list. There are an endless array of excuses why one stays in a toxic relationship. The bottom line is usually when the pain is greater that you will allow. Feeling unworthy, allowing yourself to be treated in a way that matches your level of perceived worth will continue until your self worth becomes greater or the toxicity goes beyond your level of worth.

    • Good list and GREAT comment. I got rid of my ex when I was prepared to live in the street rather than spend one more second in his presence. These controlling, immature men need some reparenting, before they become so upset that they hurt you. My ex-husband just accepted a plea and not go to trial for attempted aggrevated murder of me. Amazing how I used to be wrong about everything. Then, you become older and wiser,

  2. What if he doesn’t agree to leaving (in a quiet non confrontational way … Like an adult? What if he continues to harass me and blame me for everything? What if it/he gets ugly? He will not make this easy … Trust me — I know!

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