What am I supposed to do if I meet the man who cheated with my wife….

by Rod Smith

“What am I supposed to do if I ever have to meet the person my wife cheated on me with? How should I treat him and let him know I disapprove of his ‘taking my wife from me’ and that he is not, and never will be my two children’s father, but that I am ‘not out for blood’ in vengeance against him?”

Offer grace

Offer grace

If this man and your ex-wife marry he will be very much a part of your children’s lives as a co-parent (but not their father) whether you like it or not. So he must hear from you: not the angry you, but the “best” you. A carefully planned, well-timed, one-on-one meeting is essential. [Take someone with you – preferably a professional – if it will help you get it accomplished.]

That your wife cheated reflects thoroughly on your wife’s character for it takes two to tangle (have conflict) but only one to cheat. That he too is a cheat (she did not cheat alone) means that it is up to you, for the children’s sake, to take the high road. Therefore I challenge you to do your part to reduce your children’s anxieties (they are not immune to the destructiveness of their mother’s actions) by NOT making this man or your ex-wife your enemy.

The situation you face goes to the heart of what it means to be a man. Can you rise up and do what is right and good and healthy for your children when others are choosing not to do so? Call me. I’d love to talk – these are “primordial” issues and ought not be faced alone.

One Comment to “What am I supposed to do if I meet the man who cheated with my wife….”

  1. This hits uncomfortably close to home for me – you see, I’m in a similar position w/the woman my ex-husband took up with…
    Even worse is the fact that she was a former friend of mine! I cannot maintain the anger & disapproval at my son’s father’s low moral character – I’m trying to do “what is right & good & healthy” in my relationship w/him for my son’s sake, but HER, I choose to ignore. Apparently I am unable to rise to that challenge. (I am aided in this by the fact that he’s never married her or otherwise legitimized their relationship; we sat in “Conflict Resolution Counseling” for 18 mos after our divorce & it wasn’t until our last few sessions that he would even acknowledge her as a “girlfriend” – he thought the world at large was stupid enough to accept that they were “just good friends”…)

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