“I am going to get a divorce if my wife’s drinking continues. She has been getting progressively worse and we have only been married for three years. I can’t stand the smell and I can’t stand not knowing how things will be every weekend. We have no children and I think it is time for me to get out as soon as possible. I am not willing to watch our life get flushed down the drain because she can’t help her drinking.”

While you wife’s drinking is your wife’s responsibility, you are faced with a shared issue: your threatened marriage. If you, without her drinking, are looking for an excuse to leave, don’t make her drinking the sole impetus for your leaving. I mention this because the tone of your letter suggests your bags are already packed and her drinking is a convenient way out.

Therefore, I am going to assume a few things: you have, when she is sober, let her know how much her drinking impacts your life; given her adequate warning and opportunity to get the kind of help she needs; talked to both immediate families and alerted all regarding the gravity of what you are both facing.

Posted on September 7, 2009 at 8:48 pm in Anger, Attraction, Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Voice   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL