Three beers a night. He says I’m an alcoholic…

by Rod Smith

“My husband is nagging me about my two to three beers every night and a few cigarettes before dinner. He is telling me that I am an alcoholic and out of control. He has convinced my children (22 and 19) that I have a ‘big problem.’ He can have his gin tonic and cigars and my kids say nothing. When I open a beer I get the dirtiest look. They are giving me a complex and my husband is using it as a power tool. I am thinking of leaving for a while as it is blown out of proportion. How do I stop this madness?”

USA

USA

Leaving your family in order to drink a few beers every night may indicate alcoholism as your issue. But you are correct, two or three beers a day is no proof that you are an alcoholic. Yet, as a result of drinking your relationships are more stressed and your drinking is doing little to improve the atmosphere in your home.

If “two or three beers every night” is really not an issue then I’d suggest you stop for six months to demonstrate the powerlessness of alcohol over you. This done, your family will agree that drinking is a choice over which you have total control.

ACT, Australia

ACT, Australia

“Stop the madness”…what a profound statement you have made! After reading your email, I thought it was a great way to summarize the relational dynamics in your household. But not only in your household but everywhere, where power and control rule how we relate to one another. How we want to change another’s behavior because we are uncomfortable with our own. And how we hurt each other in the process. Your perspective is accurate – and changing the madness takes passion and courage and commitment because there is a way through.

Midwest, USA

Midwest, USA

Is it madness? Sometimes, although it may be hard to hear, our family, because they know us so well, are able to point out patterns of behavior that are destructive. If this is not the case, then stop drinking two to three beers nightly. You could stop altogether for a few weeks or you could limit your intake to one a night, five days a week. This should discourage the dirty looks and help you from developing a “complex” about it. If this is difficult for you to do then perhaps there is TRUTH to what they are saying. If they love you, listen to them.

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