Archive for July 23rd, 2008

July 23, 2008

In pursuit of greater intimacy….

by Rod Smith

1. When a person is moving away from you (separating physically, emotionally detaching) to chase, to persuade, to cajole will be counterproductive.

2. When every move, every expressed thought, every action, on the part of another person has the capacity to upset you or derail you, you are probably too close, too intensely involved with that person in an unhealthy manner. Given time, one or the other of you will begin to act (consciously or unconsciously) in ways to reduce the closeness.

3. When a person seeks a so-called “father-figure” or “mother-figure” in an intimate relationship, intimacy will whither surprisingly quickly once the couple marries.

4. Unresolved conflicts from childhood and adolescence will re-appear later in life within a person’s most intimate relationships, and, as a result, he or she will fight yesterday’s battles, in the present, with the “wrong” people.

5. Intimacy is an individual pursuit and not dependent on the participation of a partner or the partner’s willingness to be equally intimate. A woman, for example, may experience a powerful moment of intimacy when telling her partner about her day without the partner having to share one iota about his day, Of course intimacy is intensified when there is mutual participation but it is not dependent on the participation of both partners.

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