Here I stand: help for those estranged in a family…

by Rod Smith

Are you estranged from a family member? Here, modified according to your needs* and circumstances, and expressed in your own words and style, is the gist of offering a “Here I Stand” challenge:

“Here I stand, my son, despite our painful history, desiring to be a loving parent and grandparent to you and to your children. Given the opportunity of inclusion, I will work hard at correcting my past ills. If you choose to see me I will not:

  1. Speak ill of anyone, not immediate or distant family, not of people from past relationships, or anyone newly incorporated into your life.
  2. Be shaming, demanding, or accusatory.
  3. Make unreasonable requests of you, or want anything from you that you are not willing to offer.
  4. Be impatient with you, but will rather seek to be affirming, kind, and light-hearted. I will regard a relationship with you and your children as a treasured gift.

“My continued desire to be included in your life and family is not an attempt to manipulate you, but rather to minimize future regret. You, an adult, get to choose the level of my involvement with you, and, while I am powerless over your decisions, I hope you will decide in favor of gradual, and then complete, reconciliation with me.”

* This letter is geared for a parent estranged from an adult son and grandchildren

One Comment to “Here I stand: help for those estranged in a family…”

  1. I wish that my mother in law would sincerely apologize and attempt to behave in appropriate ways in the future. Instead she denies doing anything wrong, when her transgressions were clear and huge. She tries to force my husband and my self to “just get over it”. The estrangement is painful for us, but we feel that it is in the best interest of our little family because we don’t trust her. To all people who have done something hurtful, just say your sorry and TRY. Put your pride aside and TRY. Your children don’t stop talking to you for no reason.

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