Posts tagged ‘reconciliation’

June 30, 2008

Helping yourself recover from a romantic break-up…

by Rod Smith

1.    Even though you do not feel like it, “force” yourself into a loving and supportive community. Go out with old friends, join a club or a church, find a new interest that is shared with “new” people.
2.    Tell one person everything. Don’t choose someone too close to the situation, or someone who has also recently faced a break-up, or someone who already has an ax to grind with the ex. Avoid turning these discussions into “pity parties” or “beat-up” sessions – neither will serve your greater mental health.
3.    If it is at all possible, get with supportive members of your family, especially your parents. Re-visiting your roots will be surprisingly refreshing even if difficult.
4.    Don’t beg or bargain for reconciliation no matter how much pain you are in.
5.    Learn as much as you are able from the breakup and see what elements of the relationship you will determine not to repeat in the future.
6.    Focus on your behavior and not on the behavior of you ex.
7.    Avoid waiting for a phone call, an email, a text message, in the hopes he or she will make contact. Find your freedom apart from him or her even if you have to fake it for a while.

January 16, 2008

Here I stand: help for those estranged in a family…

by Rod Smith

Are you estranged from a family member? Here, modified according to your needs* and circumstances, and expressed in your own words and style, is the gist of offering a “Here I Stand” challenge:

“Here I stand, my son, despite our painful history, desiring to be a loving parent and grandparent to you and to your children. Given the opportunity of inclusion, I will work hard at correcting my past ills. If you choose to see me I will not:

  1. Speak ill of anyone, not immediate or distant family, not of people from past relationships, or anyone newly incorporated into your life.
  2. Be shaming, demanding, or accusatory.
  3. Make unreasonable requests of you, or want anything from you that you are not willing to offer.
  4. Be impatient with you, but will rather seek to be affirming, kind, and light-hearted. I will regard a relationship with you and your children as a treasured gift.

“My continued desire to be included in your life and family is not an attempt to manipulate you, but rather to minimize future regret. You, an adult, get to choose the level of my involvement with you, and, while I am powerless over your decisions, I hope you will decide in favor of gradual, and then complete, reconciliation with me.”

* This letter is geared for a parent estranged from an adult son and grandchildren