Archive for October 31st, 2007

October 31, 2007

For 8 years he’s waivered back and forth …

by Rod Smith

“I met a guy and fell in love. I moved in with him and got pregnant and started planning the wedding but then he was physically abusive so I moved home. He moved back once the baby was born when he realized what he was missing. For 8 years, he continued to waiver back and forth between ‘Nice’ Mark and ‘Mean’ Mark. I finally kicked him out but we were still having sex. I really wanted him to get counseling and come home because I do love him. But he met someone else and is now seriously dating her. He sends texts to her with ‘XOXO,’ which makes me sick. He says he still loves me and is more attracted to me than her. What must I do?”

Attraction is strongest between people of similar emotional health (and un-health). You are at least as confused as he is. Until you take responsibility for your own life, and confront the fact that this man is not good for you, your treadmill of pain and disappointment will continue.

I continue, even as a therapist myself, to be awed by the overwhelming pervasive belief people place in the power of counseling. This man doesn’t need counseling. He needs women who refuse to play his cruel, hurtful games.

October 31, 2007

I am finding it difficult to talk to my son…

by Rod Smith

“My daughter in law is like my own daughter. We are very close. She says I am the mother she never had. For a few weeks, even months, she has been very sad about being unable to become pregnant. I have been giving her all the encouragement I can give her. I am finding it difficult to talk to my son about this and wanted to ask you if I should talk to him about it.”

Be encouraged that you and your daughter-in-law have found a relationship that you each find fulfilling. I’d suggest you continue offering her all the support you can while she is experiencing the stress of trying to become pregnant.

It might be wise to talk with your son about these matters only if he raises the topic with you. Short of him telling you he’d like to discuss it, I’d suggest you leave him to find an outlet that he finds comfortable.