Posts tagged ‘mother-in-law’

August 8, 2010

Mother-in-law puts her down……

by Rod Smith

My mother-in-law is very subtle in the way she puts me down. I am just not good enough and she lets me know it through looks, gestures, and laced comments. I know you will tell me to talk to her about this face-to-face and not to triangle my husband into it. Well I don’t expect my husband to intervene and I have tried to talk to her and the conversation went nowhere. She was super-nice when we met face-to-face and it was impossible to bring up anything negative. It was as if she fought off what I wanted to say with being overly nice. We are both very strong women. It feels like a competition without anyone knowing what the prize is. My children love her and she is wonderful with them. I only get strong negative feelings about her relationship with the children is when I feel she is putting me down. I am a stay-at-home mother while she has always had a successful career. (Situation synthesized from conversation and used with permission)

Apparently the helpful, positive material between you outweighs the unhelpful. I’d suggest you embrace her and consider the “looks, gestures, and laced comments” a worthy price to pay for a wonderful grandmother’s involvement in your children’s lives.

October 31, 2007

I am finding it difficult to talk to my son…

by Rod Smith

“My daughter in law is like my own daughter. We are very close. She says I am the mother she never had. For a few weeks, even months, she has been very sad about being unable to become pregnant. I have been giving her all the encouragement I can give her. I am finding it difficult to talk to my son about this and wanted to ask you if I should talk to him about it.”

Be encouraged that you and your daughter-in-law have found a relationship that you each find fulfilling. I’d suggest you continue offering her all the support you can while she is experiencing the stress of trying to become pregnant.

It might be wise to talk with your son about these matters only if he raises the topic with you. Short of him telling you he’d like to discuss it, I’d suggest you leave him to find an outlet that he finds comfortable.

November 30, 2006

My mother-in-law spoils our children and my wife won’t tell her to stop…

by Rod Smith

“My mother-in-law spoils our children and my wife won’t tell her to stop. We have been married for seven years and I am tired of her mother interfering in our lives and especially with spoiling the children. What should I do?”

When, Sir, did you lose the ability to speak for yourself? I trust you know that your mother-in-law’s power within your family might be a direct result of your unwillingness or inability to speak up for yourself.

Your wife’s mother is your mother-in-law: speak to her yourself.

I’d suggest that since you perceive your wife as the spokesperson for matters relating to your mother-in-law, that your assessment of how she treats your children might not be fair or accurate.

Before you launch into addressing this matter that is causing you distress, I’d suggest you get several opinions from friends who are men enough to have a mutual, respectful, and equal relationships with the mothers of their brides and the grandmothers of their children.

There are such men? Yes. I have met them in every culture I’ve had the joy of visiting.