Archive for June 4th, 2007

June 4, 2007

My parents in New Zealand need help….

by Rod Smith

“I seek help for my parents who live in New Zealand. I have ticked all the items from your article on 2006/05/18 about spousal abuse on my mother’s behalf but both are in dire need of immediate help. They have been married for 32 years and I have grown up seeing my father mistreat and disrespect my mother. She thinks about leaving him all the time but says she doesn’t know stops her. My father gambles their savings and he’s an alcoholic who blames my mother for his failures. It’s almost as though my mother has become comfortable with being uncomfortable all her married life. As they are getting older, I fear more and more about their safety and I want to help them. Can you help me help them at all?”

Rod responds: After 32 years they are “in dire need of immediate help.” I don’t think so. They have danced this way for so long you can be sure nothing will change because anyone of us writes of says anything. Until your mother sees something about her behavior that must change, things will stay the same. Regard yourself as powerless over your parents’ marriage. The sooner you do this, the sooner one of them might get some helpful help.

June 4, 2007

Travel Schedule

by Rod Smith

I will be in Australia for a week (next week), Taiwan for the next two weeks, then Korea for one week after that.

I will return to Australia for a few more weeks (visiting Sydney, Canberra, and Melbourne) and head home to the USA in the later part of July.

Thanks for your interest.

I will post daily “You and Me” columns from those destinations.

Rod and Children

rodface.jpg

June 4, 2007

Room with a view: I am in Switzerland for the week….

by Rod Smith
June 4, 2007

My fiancé has anger problems and it got so bad that he threatened to beat me

by Rod Smith

Reader: My fiancé has anger problems and it got so bad that he threatened to beat me. He says he is not physically abusive but the verbal threats scare me enough. He blames me, saying I provoke him and if I do, I don’t know how I am doing it. He gets angry even at the baby sometimes. I have got myself into a bad situation because I’m financially dependent on him and we have a baby together. He is so sweet and, boom he changes with outbursts of rage. I love him and then I’m scared of him. I try to trust God that he will show me what to do, but anxiety and depression get in the way of seeing things clearly. I pray and still find no peace.

Rod Responds: This is not about love, but safety. Please read Anna Quindlin’s book entitled “Black and Blue” and do whatever you can to remove yourself, and your baby, from this dangerous situation. You, no matter what you do, cannot provoke him to abusive acts. His anger is HIS responsibility. Please do not marry this man. Marrying him will solve nothing but only allow him even more control of over you and your life.