Archive for June 17th, 2007

June 17, 2007

Should I get to the bottom of my parents’ issues?

by Rod Smith

My mother (64) and my father (63) have been at each other for years about an event in their marriage that nearly ended it. Sometimes it seems to get heated and sometimes it seems to be playful. I think my dad had an affair but it is not something either has talked about. I feel like I should try to uncover what this upset was all about as a way of securing these things do not occur in my own marriage. What do you think? (Letter condensed)

Some people need their conflicts....

I think you ought to leave your parents to fight their own well-worn battles. People need their “old” conflicts, and it seems from the tone of what you have said, that their conflict is part of their glue, their mutual culture, and the ongoing conversation that help keep them going.

Uncovering your parents’ issues in the belief it will secure stability in your own marriage is to bark up the wrong tree.

Focus on being committed to your emotional health, your covenant relationship, and your long-term individual goals as a person and shared long-term goals as a couple, and your marriage will probably be most satisfying.