Mother troubles…

by Rod Smith

Reader: My elderly mother, who has a nice home and everything she needs, is very unkind to me. Sometimes she is cruel and uses a lot of guilt to keep me visiting her. I am in my forties and would prefer not to see her. What do you suggest I do? (Situation abbreviated from longer letter)

Rod Response: There is no good reason to tolerate cruelty from anyone source – not even your mother. If you cannot do it face-to-face, tell her in a brief letter that you will visit her on condition that she keeps the rule of regarding you with utmost respect and kindness.

When, and if, you decide to visit, make a polite exit the very moment she engages in unacceptable behavior.

While your mother is elderly, she is yet highly functional in so many areas of her life, and therefore also capable of monitoring her unacceptable behavior. Allowing your mother to inflict abusive behavior upon you is honoring to neither of you. Remember, a person cannot get rid of behavior that he or she continues to feed.

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One Comment to “Mother troubles…”

  1. Rod is correct, there is no reason to suffer any ones abuse. Once you make it clear to her that you will no longer tolerate her abuse make sure that on your next visit you attempt change your expectations of what the visit will be like. We often get what we expect.

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