Archive for April 11th, 2007

April 11, 2007

How do I know if I am in a toxic or difficult relationship?

by Rod Smith

(Please note not all difficult relationships are necessarily also toxic)

Toxic (poisoned) relationships are tiring to say the least. Apart from requiring mounds of energy, they can be filled with threats, unnecessary silence, manipulation, domination and intimidation. Toxic couples often attempt to drown their pain in drinking, drugs and lustful, or vengeful, sexual activity.

Toxicity is apparent when “old” arguments frequently resurface, feelings of loyalty and disloyalty rage within you, anger seems to come from nowhere and you have a very short fuse. Life feels like a giant game of chess that’s impossible to win.

Often toxic relationships start with intensely sexual experiences. A new person seemingly offers you everything you ever wanted and so you quickly invest yourself completely. After a short while it feels as if you have been handed a script where the entrances and exits are seldom within your power. You feel as if you an unwilling actor in someone else’s play.

Remember there are always more options available for your life than it might appear.

Problems play hide-and-seek before they become full-blown and begin to make life unmanageable. It is helpful to identify some of these issues before they become a debilitating.

April 11, 2007

Young love – when your young teenager falls in love…

by Rod Smith

When your child (13 to 15) becomes involved in his/her first romantic attachment, with a person of similar age, please remember:

1. The experience is authentic for your child, and, while you might consider it “puppy love” the relationship ought to be given due respect.
2. If you trivialize his or her experience by your words or your deeds (make jokes about it) your child will probably go into hiding about what he or she is experiencing. This will put you “out of the loop” completely.
3. Embrace your child’s romantic interests, and be willing to talk about them to the degree to which your child seems willing to talk.
4. It is quite common for a child to become very focused on the whereabouts and activities of the person of his or her romantic interest. If you allow no contact (by phone or Email) you are likely to drive the relationship underground, and therefore be teaching your child to conduct a most important part of his or her life in secret.

Evaluate your resistance to your son or daughter falling in love:

What is it that you fear?

Are your fears related to your own experience as a younger person?

Is your response reasonable or loaded with your own unresolved baggage?