How do I know if I am in a toxic or difficult relationship?

by Rod Smith

(Please note not all difficult relationships are necessarily also toxic)

Toxic (poisoned) relationships are tiring to say the least. Apart from requiring mounds of energy, they can be filled with threats, unnecessary silence, manipulation, domination and intimidation. Toxic couples often attempt to drown their pain in drinking, drugs and lustful, or vengeful, sexual activity.

Toxicity is apparent when “old” arguments frequently resurface, feelings of loyalty and disloyalty rage within you, anger seems to come from nowhere and you have a very short fuse. Life feels like a giant game of chess that’s impossible to win.

Often toxic relationships start with intensely sexual experiences. A new person seemingly offers you everything you ever wanted and so you quickly invest yourself completely. After a short while it feels as if you have been handed a script where the entrances and exits are seldom within your power. You feel as if you an unwilling actor in someone else’s play.

Remember there are always more options available for your life than it might appear.

Problems play hide-and-seek before they become full-blown and begin to make life unmanageable. It is helpful to identify some of these issues before they become a debilitating.

7 Comments to “How do I know if I am in a toxic or difficult relationship?”

  1. This is a great article. Many people live in toxic relationships. They are easy to get drawn into and difficult to dislodge oneself from.

  2. Yeah, I finally realized that the one I’m in is toxic. I’m certain now, even though I like living with someone, that I would be happier living by myself than in this relationship: everything you mentioned above is true.

  3. yeah, but if you see earlier on & decide to walk out, then how do you get him to leave you alone when the other person can’t seem to grasp the idea that it’s over? because that’s the present tense in my life. & it’s getting really, really annoying. but even more so because we only just met.

  4. In a relationship for 6 years now, I have discovered that my relationship is toxic. Now the question is, how do I seperate myself? I love him, I thought he was my soulmate.

    Financially and emotionally I just cant make myself leave. I know that is what I need to do. I know that is what I HAVE to do. But I cannot find the strength and courage.

    Lost and loveless

    • I think I’m in a toxic relationship too & I think it’s time to end things but I just can’t bring myself to do it…Sometimes I feel guilty and blame myself for not trying harder.

  5. Like Jennifer, I am in a toxic relationship, and the emotions and finances are an issue when I start to make my moves to leave. Yet, as I work on myself, not him, on my health, not his needs, I see how the emotions are disconnecting, how the finances will somehow work out. I am not out yet, although YET is the key word today……..and having a plan to leave is also key……..

  6. I’m a guy that’s in a quite toxic relationship. I also get hung up on the finance thing. And the fact that she uses emotions and guilt to control the situation. But the criticizm, judging and pre-scripted life is taking an extreme toll on me and my daughter. It’s not a child by her, but my daughter is very attached none the less. I can handle the heart ache and adjustment of breaking off the relationship, but I’m concerned about how my 5 year old daughter will handle it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s