My adult children do not help at home or want to get ahead…

by Rod Smith

“I am a single mother of two (23 and 21). They are good kids but my problem is that I cannot get them to help around the house and they are unmotivated to get ahead in life. They are both in very causal jobs. I have paid for them both to do correspondence studies but cannot get them to study. My son works in a video shop. He ends up in the bar after work until all hours of the morning. My daughter barely leaves the house but to go to work. When I try and communicate they will not talk.  What can I do?”

You are working too hard. It appears you are more committed to their futures than your adult children are.

Unless there are substantial unstated mental health issues, I’d suggest you give them a week or two to make substantial changes to their attitudes and level of productivity – or ship them out.

In the long term, I think it better that you clear your comfortable nest of lazy adults who will not contribute to its costs and care. As tough as it sounds – let them live lazy lives elsewhere.

They will thank you when they grow up.

2 Comments to “My adult children do not help at home or want to get ahead…”

  1. Rod’s right, time for some tough love. Why would they be motivated to do anything? They have it made right now, food cooked, laundry done, rent free, etc. Time to give them some motivation to grow up and be responsible.

  2. I was raising a 24 year-old that didn’t work, didn’t help around the house and didn’t contribute financially, the funny thing – he was my boyfriend. The funnier thing, he was 2 years older than me. When I look back and think about his living situations before me and from talking to his family I can see that I was only helping him by allowing this to go on. His mother let him live with her until 19 without having to go to school or working and by making excuses “Boys will be boys” “What can I do? He lives his own life”. By talking to his aunt whith whom he lived from 20 to 24 I found out she had to force him to work by threatening to give him the boot. He gave a minimal amount for rent and ate, drank, watched t.v., used the phone and showered out of her wallet. He wouldn’t even pay for his own toothpaste. When he moved in with me I encouraged him to better himself and had let him move in with me because he had me convinced that his aunt was driving crazy and was unfair. I saw later than it wasn’t her at all but him. To get to the point, if you don’t stop making it easy for your kids you will only be ruining them for later. It is their life and they can do what they pretty much please but it shouldn’t come out of your wallet. You as the parent need to nurture and teach your children to become successful adults but if they can’t help themselves then I don’t see why you should either. By helping them, you aren’t helping them … if that makes any sense. I know it’s hard because they are your children but from the perspective of a future romantic relationship, your children will always depend on another person rather than making do themselves. Good luck with everything.

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