Archive for ‘Leadership’

March 25, 2023

Ubuntu – seeking your help

by Rod Smith

Help me write about this please, fellow southern Africans…. .. help me capture a concept…… correct me where I’m incorrect.

Of course such ideals are commercialized and misunderstood and misused. Such perverse uses does not render the initial ideals as invalid:

Ubuntu is a Zulu word.

Many Zulus, and descendants of Zulus of southern Africa hold sacred the ancient concept of Ubuntu. It captures a lore of hospitality, openness, and the power of community, the necessity of the individual to live within community. The individual is empowered by the community and does his or her share to empower others.

Ubuntu is an ideal way of life to which a Zulu may aspire.

It means we make each other. I am more who I am when I am connected to you. You are more who you are when we acknowledge our mutual need for each other. We can do more together than we can do alone.

Ubuntu has little room or accommodation for the lone genius. Consensus is valued. As far as possible, all voices are attempted to be heard. Age is deeply respected.  It’s community-above-self, as a way of life.

No one is “thrown away” or written off.

March 18, 2023

Blending families

by Rod Smith

Blending families, smoothly and successfully, is not easy. 

Each family imports its own set of norms and expectations into the new family configuration and these norms and expectations will inevitably clash. Each person, too, brings expectations into the new family quite apart from what the rest of what his or her original family brings to the party. There will also be remaining scars from the sequence of events that made blending two families possible in the first place. 

Blending families calls for super-maturity from the marrying or newly married adults. 

They are called to lead in such a manner that all the members of the newly constituted family’s voices are heard and opinions are respected, irrespective of age.

The adults will be wise to avoid blaming others like a former spouse or former in-laws for the inevitable difficulties that will arise. 

The adults will be wise to avoid disciplining other people’s children, even if he or she is newly married to the children’s mom or dad. 

The adults will be wise to avoid believing the children – no matter what they may say when wanting to please the parent – want this new family as much as the newly married adults do. 

The adults will be wise to speak well of the parents who are excluded from this new blended family.

[The Mercury—Monday]

March 18, 2023

Something a little longer for Sunday….. 

by Rod Smith

One thing I notice about the parables of Jesus and other favorite New Testament events, even Jesus one-liners, is that just as soon as I think I understand the parable, the event, the one-liner, it does a number on me.

Refuses to be conquered.

Reveals I’m scratching the surface in understanding, let alone application.

I know this to be true as I study Jesus’ desert trials, His relationship with Peter, betrayals, the terrors of Gethsemane, The Transfiguration, The Woman caught in adultery, “love your enemies,” to name a few. 

For 10 years (at least) these events in Jesus’ life and many of His sayings have refused to let me go and keep offering me more and more opportunities for understanding and for application.

Who really knows what Jesus meant when he said “a seed must die to bear fruit” (John 12:24) and I am not talking botany?

Every believer worth his or her salt has a go at “unpacking” (my least favorite verb I hear in Christendom) this but I think most attempts at interpretation fail to grasp the larger application of the metaphor, let alone how the “death” occurs and how it applies to you and to me.

 Let me know if you think you know. 

Parables, if we are willing to resist the thought that we already know all there is to know about any one of them, will unfold meaning for years and go deeper and deeper into the willing heart with revelation.

Thinking I know becomes a blockage. My blockage. Time after time reading them I go back to what I already know, which keeps new understanding waiting in the wings for an opportunity to get a moment on stage.

Another thing I find blocks my learning is when I become an insight addict and seek insight and more insight into Scripture but resist or refuse to put the insights into the daily-life action.

Insight, without accompanying action, is not only useless, it blocks further revelation. Then, if I get any insight, refusing to act on what I see becomes a ditch into which my insight tumbles and I become another of millions upon millions of Christains who are incredibly insightful who are very willing to talk, often endlessly, about what they see in whatever be the Biblical topic. And that’s about it.

My gosh, have I met some insightful and loquacious Christians?

Certainty, too, seals shut possibilities of growth and learning. 

It stops discovery. Certainty block’s revelation. 

I find embracing ambiguity and possibility for behavior change opens the floodgates to new understanding and new ways to be in the world.

Understanding Scripture requires change. Transformation. Understanding Scripture will demand it be more than an academic exercise and will seek to influence who and how we are as men and women in our various roles in our various communities and within our families.   

I have read the “Prodigal Son” many many times and have often thought I have a reasonable take on Jesus’ point. My perspectives change if I read it as if I am the Older Brother when my default has always been to read it as the younger, returning son, the “good” guy. When reading the parable from the Older Brother’s point of view I have no problem understanding why he has an issue with the upstart’s return and why he avoids the party. If I read it from the perspective of the Father it doesn’t take long before I am reduced to tears. I think I know that kind of love, at least as much as I am able. My sons have been trying to teach me about it since they entered the world and broke into my heart.

Shifting my point of view when I read “The Good Samaritan” also allows for new insights. I start from the perspective of the “questioning” lawyer. Then I move on through Jesus’ list of characters and end up reading it as the victim who receives assistance from the Samaritan.

When I read it as The Samaritan, I am reduced to tears.

In contrast to the “trained” and the professionals, the ones who should know, the rejected one is the loving one, the one who was never considered a neighbor, the “other,” is the one who goes the extra mile and loves his enemy and models neighborliness.

Have a fabulous Sunday.

March 14, 2023

Keep it clean

by Rod Smith

Harking back to my early music days – I began to perform publicly at 14 – my dad always told me to keep it clean.

He said that comedians and musicians never needed to be “blue” which meant suggestive or sexual. He said no one ever needed to use swear words or “bad words” or racial slurs in order to be funny.

Dad said that real artists could do it all without resorting to filth, claiming it was the distinguisher between real talent and those who were found lacking.

I know my dad would cringe if he were around today. Browsing an airport bookstore recently I was surprised how many book titles contain the “f” word on the cover. There are clergy who think it is cool or authentic or “vulnerable” to use the “F-word” in common exchanges and in print and from the pulpit.

Keep it clean, really. 

What we say and how we say it exposes our hearts.

It reveals what’s going on within you and me.

It lets others into what’s going on within each of us and I hate it when I am in a place where it feels necessary to use words I know my dad would prefer me to avoid.

Duke keeps it clean…..
March 13, 2023

Suggestion for Hallmark

by Rod Smith

I’m amused at how many “special days” there are and how many I miss. I’ve got the very best sister and brother on the planet but “National Siblings Day” comes and goes and I’m usually none the wiser. I missed “National Sons Day” quite recently. “French Bulldog Day” too, comes and goes and I’m yet to post a picture of Maggie dressed to the nines in her French Pink collar. 

I’d like to suggest a few new holidays for Hallmark or whoever pushes these special days:

Good Samaritan Day — love someone (send flowers, bake cookies, research what he or she needs and provide it) whom you could legitimately reject or who could legitimately reject you. That, after all, is the essence of the parable. It’s not about dumping “the poor” with stuff you don’t need or want.

Prodigal Day — Dismount your high horse and throw a party of welcome for all the “wrong” and “lost” and rejected people you know whether they’ve “changed” or not. There’s no indication in the parable that the returning son has “repented” and it may well be you or me who really has to.

Woman Caught in Adultery Day — leave your “stones” of judgment at home and walk through the day humbly aware of your own shortcomings. Jesus gives the woman a break and an identity. Let’s do the same for all the “tragic figures” we meet and perhaps someone will have and display similar grace for us, yes, you and me.

Meet Maggie
March 11, 2023

Are real conversations a dying art?

by Rod Smith

Screen-obsession may be rendering face-to-face conversations a dying art. 

You may have noticed some people can look deeply into a screen for hours but are uncomfortable, even unsettled, rattled really, with the briefest of human eye-contact. 

I acknowledge this idea will not fly in some cultures and contexts and none of which I’ll name.

Adapt the words (adjust, make the idea sound like your own) that follow to avoid sounding ridiculous and contrived, but use the broad ideas in face-to-face conversations.

Be gentle, you may be met with delight or horror!

“I am interested in how you arrived here (this job, predicament, fabulous place). Tell me as much as you’d like me to know.” 

“I will give you an hour (ten minutes, two hours, choose your amount of time) of uninterrupted time to tell me as much or as little about anything you choose. I will listen with both ears, both eyes, and all my heart and offer zero advice or judgment.”

“I’d love to hear about what you want from your life and about your plans to achieve what you want with your life.”

“What are the three or four greatest challenges you’ve ever faced? I’m interested in learning. Tell me as much or as little as you’d like me to know.”

[web only- not for Merc]

Some time ago – my sons. Pure delight.
March 2, 2023

The gift of Fridays

by Rod Smith

I like to think of every Friday as a good one, no matter how trying a week may have been. Fridays announce the fire-break, declare the rest-stop, the opportunity for the breather that’s just around the corner. 

Fridays are for letting things go, the cumulative stresses of all that’s come at me from Monday. I hope it’ll be the same for you.

Fridays are for a few handwritten notes in the mail, notes of affirmation and thanks, not necessarily for what’s occurred in the past few days but an expression of thanks to those who’ve got me to this point. Consider joining me, it’s amazing how good it feels to write without a screen. 

Fridays are for re-envisioning the shape of the future, not only next week and six months ahead, but my role is in creating a great tomorrow for my children’s children’s children. We really do, like it or not, for good and for ill and everything in between, invest in the future.

Fridays are plan-my-weekend reading opportunities and so I rather informally gather the books and articles I’m hoping to start or finish.  I confess, this is an ongoing challenge but remains refreshing because it is unfinished. 

Fridays are for scheduling one-on-one phone-free, screen-free time over the weekend with our most intimate circle of family and friends.

I recommend this fabulous book to you….
October 19, 2020

Inner-urges to identify and defeat

by Rod Smith

Inner urges to defeat:

Combat the often-impulsive urge to impress, save the day, be the hero. Of course there is nothing amiss with living an impressive, heroic life. It’s good to deploy your skills which may result in your “saving the day” for someone. I hope you do. We are all called to do the right, next good favor. We are called to look out for each other. May we all be alert to others and as a result find ourselves in occasional heroic circumstances as a result of going about the business of daily life.

The urge I am encouraging to defeat is the urge to be the good, nice person who wants to save others, to be the hero, in order to be noticed. Fight the driving force or insatiable urge to be the ever-present hero. 

If you are going to be a noble it will be an outcrop of your natural and daily living. You will not have to go out seeking it. 

Find that urge, go there, and quell it rather than be in constant search for the opportunity to don your cape. 

Good, strong, authentic people don’t have to put on their capes or prove anything about their strength.

Their capes are everyday attire.

May 13, 2020

Prayer upon rising

by Rod Smith

May I…..

  • be a source of healing and not hurt or injury.

  • learn to be more patient and loving with the people closest to me.

  • value other people more than I value things.

  • apologize sincerely and efficiently when I wrong others.

  • learn to respect and love myself without being self-indulgent, self-absorbed or self-centered.

  • be immovable about matters of personal integrity, and flexible and understanding when others do not do what is right and good.

  • learn to switch off or ignore my phone when I am face-to-face with anyone.

  • listen more than I speak.

  • be generous.

  • consistently spend less than I earn.

  • learn to define myself and not others.

  • learn to hold my tongue when tempted to gossip.

  • have growing clarity about what is and what is not my business and the power to mind my own business.

  • keep my word.

  • learn to promote the strengths of others even if it means stepping aside so others may get ahead.

  • learn to live in the present and design a great future rather than dwell upon the way things were or could have been.

September 24, 2019

Have you noticed?

by Rod Smith

• You can “know” some people for years and never have a sense you have really met. They are guarded. There seems to be no gateway, no pass code, to get beyond common pleasantries.

• You can “know” some people for hours and have a sense you have known them forever. They appear open, transparent; common pleasantries are merely a welcome mat to intimate conversations.

• You meet some people and you have the impression that if you give an inch they will take a mile. There appears to be such a hunger for acceptance, for connection, that the slightest indications of welcome will lead to more than you want to handle.

• You meet some people and they have a well-developed shtick, a practiced, often aged routine that everybody gets when they meet someone for the first time. You get the sense that you are just another audience and it’s “here we go again.”

I’d suggest that in the absence of other symptoms you have met “normal.” You have met a cross section of people who can teach you to love and to accept and to understand yourself in new ways.

Listen, learn, take charge of yourself, choose to disclose, choose to remain silent.

You are always in charge of you, no matter how others relate to you.

This is part of what it means to have secure and healthy boundaries.