Archive for ‘Leadership’

« Older Entries  |   Newer Entries »
May 7, 2024

A letter that made my year!

by Rod Smith

May 3, 2024

Dear Gary 

Your email has made my day, week, month, year.

Thank you. 

I shall reply more fully soon. I’m at a wedding in the midlands and quite busy with family.

I will be in a position for a better reply soon.

May I publish your letter on my website. If yes, do you want your name, or any other details withheld?

Rod Smith

————

May 7, 2024 

Dear Rod

I am pleased that my sharing with you of the changes in my destiny, have been a joy for you, Rod!

I can compare this message to a sermon – one is never sure whether the seed has fallen on rich soil or fallow ground/rocks.

You have my permission to publish my letter on your website – with no withholding of any of the content, nor any changes needed. 

I notice that the family wedding in the Midlands, is followed by a busy programme being imminent!

Regards,

Gary

—————-

May 3, 2024

Dear Rod

Earlier this week I read your response to the fund-raising decision on behalf of Dale College, by the new incoming Northwood headmaster, Dr Garth Shaw. 

Your comment mirrored the many pearls of wisdom which I have read since your first contributions (2001) to the column in the Mercury.

After 38 years in the banking world, and aged 58 years, I was not happy to ride out another huge change with a Barclays, UK, takeover looming over Absa Bank.

It was amazing how a colleague anonymously dropped off your article dated 4/4/2001.

Question: I’m tired of the “rat race” yet too poor to retire. Any suggestions?

Answer: If all you have is money, indeed you are poor.

Your message was very clear to me!

As one of the leaders in the province, I was aware of the enormity of the early retirement, by 5 years, a decision which I needed to embrace.

That was a turning point in my life, and career – and I have you and your message to thank, as I approach my 80th birthday this weekend.

Early in 2002 I retired, and I was well looked after by my employer.

My wife and I spent the next 10 months converting our family home at 71 Old Mill Way, Durban North, into what was ultimately a large 4-star bed and breakfast – Cornerstone! It was biblically named, and over the next 13 years we hosted 13 Heartbeat Healing ministry weekends, on behalf of St Martin’s church, in Chelsea Drive.

It was time to move on, and late in 2016 we sold the house and business, and moved to Doone Retirement Village in Manors, Pinetown.

Suffice to say we are very active in numerous activities and ministries – “Here I am, send me” is our witness.

Both of our grandsons are at Northwood, They will enjoy and benefit from the quality leadership of Dr Shaw, from the beginning of the 3rd term.

Thank you for your words of truth and wisdom, which changed my life path for the better!

Regards,

Gary White

Umhlanga Lighthouse

Posted in Business, Faith, Family Systems Theory, Grace, Leadership | 1 Comment »

April 15, 2024

What does day-to-day love look like?

by Rod Smith

Take a deep breath. Theses sentences are long.

Love is….

It’s doing what’s good and right to the best of your awareness, as limited as your awareness may be, for the greatest number of people possible in your immediate circle of influence, including those whom you don’t know and even those who may have rejected you or may even hate you. 

It’s gathering your strength and harvesting your latent patience and shopping at your store of inner kindness when others test you your many daily contexts, and then being strong and patient and kind even if it feels like you’re surrounded by people who don’t appear to think very much, and, if they do, their thinking appears limited to considering only what pertains to themselves alone. 

It’s paying for someone’s groceries or petrol (gas) or electricity, but it’s also stopping to consider why it is that you are able to and trying to understand what circumstances have placed the recipients of your generosity in such vulnerable, often humiliating situations, that they need your help and thinking these things through without resorting to low-hanging stereotypes like “I’ve worked hard and ‘they’ have not.”

It’s seeing people’s faces, acknowledging their unique stories, accepting that all people want to be seen, heard and included, even if their day-to-day behavior suggests volumes of evidence to the contrary.

Posted in Addictions, Blended families, Boundaries, Business, Communication, Differentiation, Education, Faith, Family, Family Systems Theory, Forgiveness, Friendship, Grace, Leadership, Listening, Love | Leave a Comment »

March 19, 2024

Leadership and service

by Rod Smith

There are no tricks to effective leadership. 

Leadership will always be strongest, most effective when the leader sees and regards herself or himself as a servant to those in her or his care. 

This is not for effect or for greater impact, it is simply how authentic leadership works. 

If you are the leader then you will be a servant who seeks to serve those whom she or he leads. You will do so with all your heart, mind, soul and you will love those in your care. You will love them to such a degree that they will end up even unknowingly tapping into the very best of who they are because that’s how people behave when they are loved. 

If you think of yourself as elevated, deserving of being served by others, afforded status by your role, you are not a leader no matter what you think you are. What you are is one who is capitalizing on those whom you are really called to serve. 

Your leadership function must benefit others, not you.  

When you are the true leader there is nothing you will not do within the bounds of law and the boundaries of sound ethics to enhance the lives of those whom you lead.   

Street market in Penang

Posted in Differentiation, Education, Faith, Family, Family Systems Theory, Grace, Leadership | Leave a Comment »

March 9, 2024

Planning a week

by Rod Smith

What kind of week will you have? What kind of person will you be this week? Ask these questions and most will say they don’t know or reveal a Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be) attitude. 

It is possible to plan. 

Here’s my five-point plan for this week: 

  • I will do something every day that is an act of self-care and self-love. It is impossible to love others without also loving myself. 
  • I will occupy the driver’s seat of my life. Abdication of this adult role to others – except under extreme circumstances – is the definition of selfishness. 
  • Within the framework of my predetermined values and boundaries and my callings, I will be a highly cooperative person, a team-player, an encourager.  
  • I will listen without waiting to speak knowing that every person has a voice worth hearing and something to teach me. 
  • I will commit at least one specific act of unexpected generosity, one that costs me time and/or treasure, each day. This is to train my seeing, thinking and responding to others so that generosity becomes an ingrained way of life for me.

I’d love to see what you are planning for your week. Email me your 5 or 3 or 7 point plan.

In the foyer of the apartments in Penang

Posted in Boundaries, Business, Communication, Differentiation, Education, Faith, Family, Family Systems Theory, Friendship, Grace, Leadership, Listening, Love | 1 Comment »

February 28, 2024

Peacekeeper or peacemaker ?

by Rod Smith

There is a difference between peacekeeping and peacemaking.

In a troubled emotional environment peacekeeping saps energy and can be a never-ending task. 

Peacemaking lays groundwork for authentic peace to prevail. 

Peacekeepers work hard to keep the tensions from rising and work at pretending that nothing is amiss.

Peacekeepers avoid conflict. Their reward is the semblance of tranquility, the demise of integrity and escalation of anxiety.

Peacemakers invite necessary conflict knowing there is no other pathway toward understanding between warring people and groups. 

Peacekeepers can endure fake “peace” leading to feelings of being called or anointed while they tiptoe through minefields they pretend don’t exist.

Peacekeepers apparently “enjoy” feelings of martyrdom. How else would they rationalize the accompanying stress of trying to hide or tame the proverbial elephant in the room? 

Peacekeepers often see their role as “spiritual” and “humble” because they endure without “saying anything.”

Peacemakers value authentic peace more than its distorted parody. The peace that exists between people who possess the courage to endure conflict, for the sake of lasting peace, is like pure gold when compared with its counterfeit cousin. 

Move with courage toward lasting peace. 

Assume your legitimate role as a peacemaker rather than avoid conflict in order to keep a semblance of peace that is not worth having. 

The Valley of a Thousand Hills

Posted in Boundaries, Children, Communication, Differentiation, Education, Faith, Family, Family Systems Theory, Forgiveness, Friendship, Grace, Leadership, Listening, Love, Marriage | Leave a Comment »

February 24, 2024

The Formidable Triangle

by Rod Smith

1. Backbone……

Backbone — a metaphor for courage. Your literal backbone keeps you upright. It keeps you standing. Your metaphorical backbone symbolizes your courage. I’ve met many people “slump” through life and stand for very little, people have been successfully filleted by themselves, by life’s trials, or by others. Spineless people are “easy meat” for high-maintenance, low functioning relationships. Access your backbone and shimmy up your spine. Love it. Strengthen it. Enjoy it. Deploy it. 

2. Creative Brain

This is the part of your brain where you can think about thinking. It’s where you appreciate art and humor. It’s your realm of infinite possibilities. It’s your spiritual mind. It’s NOT your explosive or “fighting” brain or your “loves-me-loves-me-not” feeling brain. 

Access your creative brain. Explore it and explore with it. Try to live with this part of your brain “driving” your behavior.

3. Voice

Your Voice and using your Voice embodies your willingness to speak your unique mind, to say what you see, think, and want, express what you think and want. It’s realizing that silence born of lack of courage or lack of confidence is seldom helpful to anyone. Many people have lost their voices in the name of love, submission, or in keeping peace. Access your Voice, deploy your voice, and persist with expressing the things that are important to you.

1+2+3=YOUR FORMIDABLE TRIANGLE 

Once you embrace your Formidable Triangle you will be free to love yourself and others in ways that are healthy for all. 

Over time, awareness of the three corners of your formidable triangle, and accessing each when necessary, will become “second nature” to you. 

The corners will merge and form a firewall to protect you from draining relationships and exchanges. They will also merge and empower you to be your healthiest self under most circumstances. 

To enjoy your Formidable Triangle ALL three corners are required. 

Treasure and use your BACKBONE. Access your THINKING. Express yourself — your VOICE — loudly and clearly and you will attract healthy, high functioning adventures and relationships.

Art by Ms. Crane

Posted in Attraction, Blended families, Boundaries, Children, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Domination, Education, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, Grace, Leadership, Listening | Leave a Comment »

February 11, 2024

First cousins

by Rod Smith

When first cousins Grace and Mercy show up from within you (they live rent free without exception within us all) and reveal their natural beautiful ways, human encounters get an added touch of the divine.

The cousins are hard at work and always ready to assist any person who wants to participate in acts of unmerited kindness. They play a willing hand in every expression of goodness and delight in participating in all moments of empathy. Mercy and Grace become especially evident and empowering when you express even a smidgeon of desire to offer forgiveness and generosity as a way of life. When we want them to influence and become “a way of life” they dance a little jig of joy. 

When you and I permit Grace and Mercy to do their thing within us — they are always ready for an opportunity — no matter what may be our proclaimed faith or the absence or even the denial of one, we come face-to-face with our divine imprint.

Grace and Mercy will steadily reveal what wonderful tenants they are and transform any willing host of their counter-culturally subversive, loving ways.

May the sisters dance and have their way. 

They will make you even more beautiful than you already are. 

They make people free.

Posted in Blended families, Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Domination, Education, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, Grace, Leadership, Listening | Leave a Comment »

February 2, 2024

Hold on….

by Rod Smith

When it seems that things are coming at you from all sides….

Hold onto yourself. 

Even if you are surrounded by supportive loved ones, you are all you’ve got. 

You are your own constant companion and your relationship with yourself is the longest relationship you will ever have – so you might as well be best friends.

You might as well learn to enjoy yourself.   

How you treat yourself is (already) the platform from which you see others and it forms the lens through which you see all things. 

When under pressure, don’t talk to everyone about what you are facing. 

It’s a hopeful myth that all talking is helpful.

It’s not.  

Choose a few trusted people and talk only to them

Spewing – freely-recalling, random mumblings, blaming others, yelling,  speaking from a place of confusion or anger  – has limited and few benefits. 

Holding onto yourself involves planning what you will and will not share.

You are allowed to keep things to yourself. 

You are allowed to plan and decide how you will behave, who you will be. 

All this, and more, is all part of learning to hold onto yourself.

When you hold onto yourself, some will tell you are being selfish.

Self-awareness and selfishness are poles apart. 

[I will be in Durban in February and April — not March — and would love to speak at your church, school, or fundraising event — make contact by email or private message.]

From a recent lunch in Cuba — note the hat and cigar. This vegetarian did not partake!

Posted in Attraction, Blended families, Boundaries, Business, Children, Communication, Differentiation, Divorce, Domination, Education, Faith, Family, Family Systems Theory, Forgiveness, Friendship, Grace, Leadership, Listening | Leave a Comment »

January 28, 2024

Eavesdrop

by Rod Smith

Listen to your conversations, yes, eavesdrop on yourself.

I try to do this and I am often embarrassed how regularly I’m on auto-play. I hear the same stuff – the same stories and one-liners – coming out of me over and over again. 

It is as if I am bored with myself and those who are part of the “conversation.”

I don’t like this about me and I don’t particularly like it when I’m caught in someone else’s well-worn loop.    

Sometimes I hear traces of contempt and sarcasm in my conversations.

I am very careful about avoiding swearing and blasphemy, yet there are times I am apparently okay with using words as clubs and bullying others with snarky sarcasm. These verbal habits are surely at least as toxic as possessing a foul mouth.

The gift of thoughtful conversations, where people listen without waiting to talk and people hear what is really being said is something to which I deeply aspire despite what sometimes comes out of my mouth. 

By the way, I am heading to Duban during much of February. 

I would be delighted to speak at your school, church, business, or club – and I promise to watch my mouth. 

Drop me an email if you are interested. 

Let’s see what time permits.

Two new pieces in our home — picked up in Lome, Togo and framed locally.

Posted in Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Education, Family, Friendship, Grace, Leadership, Listening, Love, Responsive people, Space, Teenagers, Triangles, Trust, Voice, Womanhood | 1 Comment »

January 3, 2024

Listen up

by Rod Smith

To listen is to love.

Listening, no matter how skilled you are, cannot be faked. 

You may be a skilled multitasker but even you can’t listen and, at the same time, do other things. 

Even if you’re one of those people who can “spin a lot of plates at one time” or whatever the metaphor is, even you can’t do other things and listen and really hear the person talking to you.

Listening takes more than both ears. It takes both ears, both eyes, a closed mouth, and your whole focused body. 

Even thinking about or wanting to check your phone, let alone the shifty reptile-like quick glances you give it and think no one notices, upsets your capacity to hear and it disturbs the speaker’s ease in talking to you.

Another thing that really upsets listening is your own unresolved stuff with other people, living or dead. As soon as any person “goes deep,” the millisecond he or she approaches anything close to something unresolved in your life, even if it’s from years ago, it’ll set you off inside, close your ears, or start you talking. 

That’s how we ward off stuff, manage triggers, fight to keep things buried. 

To listen is to love.

It’s often the only thing someone may want from you.

No distractions

Posted in Boundaries, Business, Communication, Differentiation, Education, Faith, Family Systems Theory, Friendship, Grace, Grief, Leadership, Listening, Recovery, Responsive people, Space, Therapeutic Process, Trust, Young Love | Leave a Comment »

« Older Entries  |   Newer Entries »