July 11, 2012
by Rod Smith
“‘Leave your husband,’ the articles say. Yes, because it is always the male of the relationship who is attributed any symptoms. I got news for you partner, in every relationship that I have ever been in it has been the woman, not the man. Oh, I know, what a hateful thing to say because all women are obviously innocent little angels. Give me a break people! In nine out of ten cases, the woman is always the problem in the relationship. Always! My present partner exhibits bad relationship habits and at the risk of my mental health and the mental health of our daughter, not to mention the nine other children that she has left to rot all over the country. Women are inconsiderate, lazy and hateful. They are selfish and have absolutely no control over their emotions. Plain and simple truth and everyone knows it. It is time to wake up people and stop hiding behind the guise of political correctness. Especially when the only humans made to sit within the legal bounds of politically correct speech is males.” (Minimal edits)
And you, sir, I bet are an absolute delight to know. In all of your ranting, did you ever consider what it is that repeatedly attracts you to such troubled women?
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July 8, 2012
by Rod Smith
- Swimming is the same as having a bath or taking a shower.
- Taking a real bath or shower using actual soap and shampoo makes you clean for four days.
- Licking your fingers is the same as washing your hands.
- Turning your clothing inside out it is the same as putting on clean clothes.
- Eating an apple is the same as brushing your teeth.
- Putting on a shirt by pulling it over your head combs your hair.
- Making your bed wastes playing time because you get into it at night.
- Eating potato chips gives you all the vegetables you need.
- Tidying a bedroom is ridiculous if you can already see any part of the floor or carpet.
- Sleeping wastes play time except on school days.
- You can climb and throw anything if you really want to.
- Flossing and flushing should be avoided.
- Bodies of water must be disturbed, no matter how peaceful or beautiful, you must throw something into it be it a pond, a pool, or the ocean.
- Lit candles anywhere, like on a birthday cake or on a table in a restaurant must be disturbed; they must NEVER be left alone.
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July 4, 2012
by Rod Smith
“After fifteen years and I have finally come to grips with the fact that my husband is manipulative. I was reading a marriage book to him last night and it touched on all the things he was doing. He flew off the handle and that let me know he was guilty. I had been told he had been doing this by family but could not see it. Now I see it. I left him once and came back because of manipulation. God has opened my eyes. I have four children. I no longer want this relationship, and because I decided to come back to him to work on the relationship, my family is upset with me but, when I leave this time, I am not coming back. The only way to keep from falling back into a situation like this is to pray and ask God to get me out of the situation. Once out, I will stay out, no matter what.” (Edited)
Three things:
- Stop blaming your husband for your actions.
- Be sure you work at least as hard at this as you want God to work at it.
- You get an “A” for style – reading a marriage book to him that touched on all the things he was doing!
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July 3, 2012
by Rod Smith
Thoughts on Leadership revisited
Great leaders are a rare find. Power-trip “leaders,” martyrs as “leaders” self-pitying “leaders” and manipulative “leaders” are plentiful; they run countries and cities and teams all over the place but great leaders are like an endangered unprotected species. It’s unusual to find them running anything at all.
I had a high school teacher who perfected the art of great leadership, and I saw it at work recently in a well-known coach. Although I am not always certain, I have read about a few mayors who apparently have a clear grasp of it. But the scarcity is understandable. Inevitably, authentic leadership will be opposed, resisted, often rejected and even put to death. It unwittingly unsettles every complacent trace within us, and, once we enter its influence, it challenges our laziness and seems to expect that we deliver our best. For these reasons such leadership is often unwelcome.
In the face of…
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July 2, 2012
by Rod Smith
“I’m 43 years old and divorced with a child. I’ve been attracted to this man for over a year. We both work in the same place. I speak to him by saying ‘hi’ or ‘good morning.’ I don’t chase him but I look at him and walk on. Sometimes I catch him looking in my direction and he smiles. Why am I always attracted to the wrong kind of men especially married ones? Since my divorce I haven’t had much luck with men. I don’t go out I just stay home. Maybe someday I’ll find someone. Right now I’m just letting time takes its course.”
I commend you for recognizing the man is married. Attractions, as you seem to perfectly understand, do not give you permission to act. You are “holding onto yourself” despite your attractions. This is good self-management and will prove to be good for you and for your child.
While I understand your use of the colloquial “luck” with men, I’d suggest meeting the “right” man would not be a matter of luck but rather the result of your focusing on your personal development. The “right” men, men who are caring and ambitious, thoughtful and well read, are interested in women who are the same.
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June 28, 2012
by Rod Smith
My great-niece and superb writer, Amy Arthur of Durban, triggered an idea.
If you are under 12, please submit, using your first name and initials only via your parent’s or guardian’s email address) a 200-word paragraph entitled: What it means to be a South African child in 2012.
I will be the sole adjudicator and I will publish what I deem to be the best piece.
The writer will receive a R200 gift card for Exclusive Books.
(Closing date for entries: July 6, 2012)
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June 27, 2012
by Rod Smith
“My husband is controlling, jealous, and an alcoholic. He has me so scared that I can’t even look another guy in the eye. I love my husband but I can’t stand living like this any more. He drinks 9-12 beers a night. His controlling is causing us to fight all the time. I always tell him that if he would relax our relationship would be happier. I hate to come home from work and walk around on eggshells. What can I do? I want out yet I know that he is a good man. He can be very loving when he wants to be but the next second he can change. I am so confused. I don’t know what to do. Can someone help me?”
You are an expert in his habits and blind to yours. Your husband is a troubled man. He is an alcoholic. He has a disease. Trying to reason with him is a waste of time. While you cooperate with his drinking and controlling ways and “walk around on eggshells” you will never be free and his deplorable ways will intensify. Secretly secure support from friends and family and move out while there is still a smidgeon of you left. You are supporting him as he slowly murders you.
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June 26, 2012
by Rod Smith
“I am in love with a married man. I am married. He is married with children and grandchildren. We love each other very much. We won’t leave our spouses. My lover and I met at work and began our affair. It has been going on for 8 months. Of course, our married relationships aren’t perfect. We are filling needs not met at home. We are in love. The sex is intense and incredible. We are getting a secret flat together to save on hotels. His wife suspects but he told her what ever was going on he would end. That was about five months ago. She is not a stupid woman. He goes home with my hair on his sweater and in his car. She is willing to allow him to lie to her as long as he stays with her. He is a good man. He loves his family and doesn’t want to destroy her. I don’t want to hurt my husband. I know we are both lying and could cause destruction. We are academics and have reasoned this all out.”
You are probably correct – “she is not a stupid woman” – but look a little deeper at who might be. Academics or not, this is a selfish plan, from which nothing of long-term good can result.
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June 25, 2012
by Rod Smith
- Is not that you, the leader, get your way. It is that those whom you lead discover the power of fully understanding their valued and vital contribution to your declared, shared, and treasured goals and get to use as many of their inherent gifts and skills to help reach them.
- Is not that you, the leader, are recognized. It is that those whom you lead are empowered and sufficiently “free” to make their own mark on your declared, shared, and treasured goals and are positioned to receive all due credit as if you yourself, did not even exist.
- Is not that you, the leader, are the one with all the good or brilliant ideas. It is that you have created a context where the development and exchange of ideas (of all sizes and quality) is a way of life and your shared brilliance becomes difficult to track or pin on one lone genius or one heroic leader.
- Is not that you, the appointed or official leader, lead at everything. You understand that your ability to lead is enmeshed with your ability to follow. You get out of the way and assist and encourage those who are better equipped at any task or project to assume the awe-filled position of leader.
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June 24, 2012
by Rod Smith
Planning a wedding? Resist engaging a wedding planner until you take a look at these pointers to see if you think it’s worth proceeding….
- Examine finances. If money is an issue with one, but not for the other, turbulence lies ahead. Nothing can stir love woes like money woes. If both are financially challenged, and I don’t mean poor, I mean poorly equipped at managing money, run a proverbial mile. All the love in the world won’t impress the bank or keep a financially stressed marriage going.
- Assess the source of the energy behind the wedding plans. If the bride is the powerhouse and the groom is tagging along because it is “her” wedding – guess what is unlikely to change? If it is his or her mother, run hard, fast, and soon.
- Honestly assess the bedroom (metaphor for sex and all things intimate). The person who least desires sex, is the one driving the relationship. Note, I said, desires. I said nothing about acting on the desires. Also, many a really hot pre-marriage bedroom cooled to polar temperatures soon after the honeymoon. If intimacy is used to gain power, it will soon cease.
- Examine integrity. Cheats, liars, and addicts can change, but usually not very much.
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