Jealously

When I’m JEALOUS, I know it. Others know it. When you’re jealous I believe you know it.

Shakespeare nicknamed jealousy “the green eyed monster,” and, given the slightest wink or invitation, it sneaks up on people often when least expected – and, a destructive monster it indeed is. 

It hurts the jealous, and can hurt the object of jealousy.

It can ruin a relationship.

Since the object of our jealousy is not the source of our jealousy, let’s not point fingers when we feel the monster doing its intrusive and destructive work.

Jealousy is an individual pursuit. Those who host the virus or entertain the monster must address it or be it’s enduring casualty. 

Jealousy can be subtle and hidden within — it may be gentle nudges the jealous person may be capable of disguising or hiding. Jealousy can be loud and gross, expressing itself in obvious avoidance or outright rejection or rage at others – those whom a jealous person may deem more skilled or popular or preferred than jealousy’s host.

There are perhaps subtle differences between jealousy and envy but it’s hair-splitting — the goal is to expel the virus and desire the best for others and set others free of our pettiness. 

Courage

COURAGE, my metaphorical backbone, helps me to love others, challenges me to live deeply. Where, what is it? It’s hidden reserves of raw strength coupled with the desire for what is good and right and it is a reserve that exists deep within my heart, mind, spirit, will, and soul. 

It is an inner reserve I share with all people. 

This unification of my inner-being (heart, mind, will, spirit, soul) helps me stand up on the inside and on the outside. 

It’s fuel, stored within, providing me with the boost I need to encounter life’s tougher hurdles.

If, in humility, I tap into, and deploy my courage, it miraculously self-replenishes, grows, shifts, multiplies, plays its part in transforming me. 

Blind courage – which is perhaps not courage at all – can be dangerous. Authentic courage is designed for use in concert with my thinking, and planning, my education, desires, wants, and wisdom. 

My courage helps overcome obstacles birthed in fear, insecurity, and failure. Living, (extra)ordinary daily living, takes courage. Quiet moments of reflection, coupled with brave living, refills my supply of courage. Courage cross-empowers, it joins forces with generosity, kindness, forbearance, and patience to empower me to face the most challenging circumstances. 

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Deep down where soul, spirit, heart, mind, and my will, meet, I have a magnificent gift – the instinctual, God-given, desire for intimacy. Togetherness. It comes with my humanity. 

I want to be intimate, to belong, to be part of a family, groups, teams. 

I don’t want to be alone. I want to know others and be known by others. 

This desire whispers, sometimes shouts, for recognition, especially when my equally powerful instinctual desire for autonomy has enjoyed its pleasures. 

I want to be heard and treasured as a companion and friend. I want to be an integral part of the lives of close family and friends. I want to be fearlessly open with a handful of loving friends and for them to be equally open with me. 

If I repeatedly ignore this primal, instinctual, inborn urge, this beautiful part of me, I place my emotional well-being and physical health at risk for I was ot designed to be alone. 

This beautiful gift, integral to my humanity, is inextricably part of who I am. 

Acknowledging it, respecting it, enjoying it, enhances my capacity to love myself, love others, and become fully, beautifully, more human. 

Turning over a new leaf, starting over, going back to basics, clearing the slate, I am sure there are a few more terms and metaphors I am  missing for re-starts. 

While noble, and may be very necessary, it is not that easy. 

Homeostasis can kick up quite a fuss. 

Old habits and attitudes and behaviors resist change. It is as if they refuse to believe the hosts (you, me, whoever want to make a change) are serious about the shifts or the new starts we may want to make.

I have found it best to start quietly and silently and with hidden resolve. 

The more that’s announced, the greater the expectations are to see results. 

Go carefully and quietly into your new behaviors. Exercise them very privately for a period of time. 

Offer no fanfare. 

Fanfares will set you up for failure. 

Let people notice, without you telling them, whatever difference you are trying to make. 

Battling old ways and routines, and for some, addictions, may indeed require support and so I encourage the one who seeks such change or freedom, find help but find it privately.

Change is possible – it is just not as easy as people sometimes think it is.     

A boundary is a line (usually invisible, sometimes literal) that separates a person from all other people. Each person is responsible for the wellness of his or her own boundaries.

Indications of poor or troubled boundaries: Sharing too much personal information too soon with someone you hardly know. Falling in love quickly – for some, instantly – and with anyone who reaches out. Being preoccupied – can’t get him/her out of my head – with someone. Going against your values to please or attract someone. Hoping someone you meet will have poor boundaries. Accepting food, gifts, touch, or sex you do not want. Taking for the sake of getting; giving for the sake of giving. Letting someone be in charge of your life. Allowing someone else to say what you feel and see. Believing someone can, and should, anticipate your needs. Being moody and withdrawn to get attention. Walking out to see if anyone follows – or even cares. Expecting people to read your mind and know what you want or need. Habitually stealing the agenda, taking center stage, occupying the spotlight. Falling apart to get care and attention. Eating for destructive reasons or with destructive results. Sex for pain, aggression, or retribution. 

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