When asked to officiate a marriage I ask couples to assess their shared experience and to use these points for discussion:

• You find it easy, or it seems natural, to include many of your long-lasting friendships in your shared activities and find no feelings of control, jealously, or possessiveness within you.
• You are each more yourself than ever; there are no eggshells to tiptoe around, no topics to avoid, no lies to continually conceal, no facades to perpetuate.
• You maintain a distinct life of your own while simultaneously becoming closer to each other.
• You enjoy working through issues that arise, even if the journey is painful, because the process brings you closer to each other and you have the sense of accomplishing something that is important for the future.
• You enjoy sharing hard earned resources with each other without the thought that you are giving up something or wasting anything.
• You have talks about faith, finances, career options, and have discussed the hurdles and complexities that accompany such matters.
• You have fun together and are not preoccupied with the state of your relationship.
• You speak highly and respectfully about each other always and to all – no exceptions; and you readily affirm each other both privately and in public.
• You have met each other’s immediate and extended family and are both doing what.you can to embrace and understand how they view life and live life.
• You’re getting used to each other and life feels better as you think about a future together.
• You can hardly wait for each new day so that you may embrace the possibilities each new day offers.
• You are committed to seeking each other’s highest good, no matter what.

Posted on September 12, 2019 at 12:53 pm in Betrayal, Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Family, Family Systems Theory, Friendship, Grace, Listening, Love, Responsive people, Voice   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL