Archive for October 18th, 2017

October 18, 2017

You day will follow your mind…..

by Rod Smith

Your day will run much like your mind runs – positively or negatively

Versions of the following have occurred this week with clients:

Jane unexpectedly sees a friend, Sally, at a distance. Sally appears to ignore Jane. Jane ruminates deeply about this.

  • Jane feels rejected and wonders for hours, or even days, what she did to offend Sally. Jane can’t let it go.
  • Jane assumes Sally simply did not see her, or, if she did, Sally was too busy to talk.

Francis hears about close friends who had lunch together without her.

  • Francis is immediately debilitated. She feels betrayed. Francis knows they were talking about her and she is sure she was the reason they met.
  • Francis tells herself her friends are as free to meet and exclude her, as they are free to meet and to include her.
  • Francis assumes her friends are planning a wonderful surprise party for her.

I’d suggest that hidden within each of us is a healthy self. It’s a self that can be pushed and pulled to run with the negative or to run with what’s healthy and positive. It’s the often-miniscule inner choices that make all the difference to the shape of your day (week, month, and year).

October 18, 2017

Healthy retorts

by Rod Smith

The Mercury – Monday / Healthy Retorts…..

Healthy retorts to unhealthy prompts. These are not direct quotations. They encapsulate what I have heard from healthy people:

– No, I do not feel as anxious as you do about this – it’s not helpful if we are both immobilized. (Wife to husband over a business failure.)

– This is a conversation it seems you need to have without me – your adult sons and daughters want time alone with you. I understand completely. (Man to his wife in a second marriage.)

– Your accomplishments at school are yours. When you are doing well I will not take the credit. When you are doing poorly I will not feel as if I am to blame. You already have everything you need (from me) to be a superior student. What do you need to change about your work habits? Start there. No, I will not speak to your teacher. You are perfectly capable of doing that for yourself. Your teacher is not responsible for your performance – you are. (Parent to son of 15.)

– I am very uncomfortable speaking about people who are not present unless you are full of praise for them. Gossip is not at all good for friendships. (Friend to friend.)